Thursday

Talk first and then say I do




Be Honest with Each Other


Be honest with each other about how you want things to work. And you should be having this conversation long before you say I do. And talk about everything and work out a plan that will satisfy both of you. If you cant make it work before marriage, it certainly wont work after your married. So be totally up front with each other.

Who would Move in with Who?

Shortly after the greatest moment in my life, my love and I had a totally honest conversation with each other. First we decided that are best choice was for me to move into her house. I was living in an apartment and didn’t have an extended two-car garage and central air like she did. Also she had a yard and that greatly appealed to me. I always wanted a riding mowing but never had any grass to mow.

Next Money

Then we talked about money, since were both were used to handling our own money, we decided to keep it that way. We each contributed equally to our housing and other costs.

I didn't want to be a Parent Again

We both had two boys, mine were grown and hers were living with her. I told her I didn’t want to be a parent anymore and have all that responsibility again; she agreed to be the sole controller of her children and I think she preferred it that way and that’s probably why it worked out so well for us. Whenever someone was in trouble and I would hear the garage door opening and that would prompt me to exit to the basement till the fire works were over. In time when they observed me going to the basement they knew someone was in trouble. Even today we still joke about that.

We both wanted to See our Regular Companions

We both shared our thoughts about having friends and wanted to enjoy these people separate from each other. I for example was an Elk Member and enjoyed going to lodge meetings and tipping a few brews with my brother elks. She also insisted on maintaining her friends in the fashion she was used to. This worked especially well because we trusted each other one hundred percent.

I got some Closet space

We discussed what I would bring with me and how that stuff would be included with her things. At first she had suggested giving up some of her closet space for me but later we decided to purchase a stand-alone closet where I could hang my shirts and pants.

I wanted another Bathroom

She only had one bathroom I suggested we install another one in the basement. She agreed and we men in the family made it happen. We started by putting a large hole in the basement for the installation a lift pump. When she saw it, she was startled; She didn’t realize it was going to look in the basement floor. But she quickly recovered and was ok with it.

A Waterbed & Sofa came with me

Only two items of my furniture made the trip and that was my sofa, which went in the basement and my waterbed which one of the boys wanted.

We made this transition and it was easy. It was easy because we talk it all out in advance and jointly agreed on everything.

Make all the Decisions before Saying I Do

If your planning a get together may I boldly suggest you follow our example and figure out everything in advance and jointly agreed on same. If there is a problem you will detect it in advance and make decisions accordingly. Remember talk first and I do later. Because I do maybe the most important thing you ever do in your life. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


Don L.Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by cheetah100

Dancing is a great way to experience each other




My First Girl Friend

Susan was my first girl friend, we met in one of my Junior High Classes. The romance started with a note from one of her girl friends and the note said do you like Susan? I signed the note yes and the romance started. Two days later Susan passed a note to me and asked if I would walk her home? Once again I said yes. We talked in the hallway between classes and agreed to meet by the cannon; a weapon of the civil war. We met and I carried her books and walked her up to her front step and then gave her the books and she went in the house.

Our First & Last Dance

Two weeks later I asked if she would join me for an early saturday night dance which started at six and ended at eight. My dancing abilities was awkward, shaky and I was stiff as a board. Once again I walked her home and this time we held hands for the first time. We arrived at her home and the front porch light went on as we walked up the step. I could feel the presence of her parents looking at us. We both faced the door and then she turned and kiss me on the cheek, I blushed and she rushed in the house. That was my first dance and peck on the cheek.

I Love Dancing with Cutie the Love of My Life

Today I save all my dances for Linda the forever love of my life. I still cant dance very well but it doesn't seem to matter to us. Were just glad to be holding each other and feeling those special feelings for each other. The last dance we attended was at hers youngest sons wedding and a good time was had by all.
I even danced with the bride and she was a pretty as any bride I have ever seen.


Our Fifth Grand Child


Two weeks ago we celebrated the arrival of our fifth grand child and someday God willing he will share notes with his first girl friend and then they will walk to their first dance. And then time will pass and so will I, but dancing will live on after me. And so that is the part dancing plays in the scheme of things.

Dancing is a reason for Feeling Each Other

So dance your way to a loving marriage and find those loving feelings for yourself. Thats how I feel and Im sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by WinVictorious

Hugging is good for your marriage




We Jumped Ship and headed for North Carolina

My wife, I and Lindas immedicate family bolted and ended up living in North Carolina. I came from a three family member configuration. That three for me has now extended to many more family members and Im just giddy about the whole thing. Its great getting together and sharing the war stories of daily life and its a huge upper to have Grand Children. Which my wife and I now have five and a new one is soon to arrive in late October. What a joy it is to be part of a family and have such closeness to each other.


Our Youngest Grand Child


Our youngest is Brayden just three weeks old and already charming the pants off those around him. He likes the closeness of someone and settles down to just being calm. When hes kind of crankie all you have to do is just rest your hand next to his face and he finds comfort and drifts off into is little world, thats growing bigger everyday.

Family Members our Good to have Around

Family members find comfort in each other and thru conversation finds solutions that help them feel better about things in their life. People who arent felling this close togetherness are missing the basic therapy of life and that is the give and take getting together and being support for each other. Sure you can move to an island and find solice but whats the joy in that.

I Found Comfort in my Singleness

After crashing with my first marriage and found confort so I thought will singleness of my life. Im sure that was a way of trying to avoid making the same mistake the next time. During this span of time I met a girl who I dated a half dozen times. One time she asked if I would like to come to one of her family reunions and I not really thinking about it said yes. She hailed from a small suburb in the outskirts of Chicago. They the family members that sponsored the event estimated that over three hundred family members attended and it was held on a small farm. Banquet tables were everywere and the food seemed to have no ending. Almost immediately people said hi and shook my hand and some even tried to finger out which branch of the family I belonged to.

They Adopted me as a Family Member

In a matter of one hour or less I offically became part of their family and even particaped in the good by hugs. It was an incredible high for me and I didnt even have to take something to get there.

Bonding with Family Members is a Good Thing

So if your not doing it now, start tomorrow and bond with your family members. Im sure like me, it will be a major plus for you.

My Second Marriage will be my Last

Were still here in North Carolina and Loving every minute of it. If at first you dont succeed try again and this time hug more.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by basykes

Always participate & promote family gatherings



We jumped Ship and headed for North Carolina

My Wife and I ended up living in North Carolina. I came from a three family member configuration. That three for me has now extended to many more family members and Im just giddy about the whole thing. Its great getting together and sharing the war stories of daily life and its a huge upper to have Grand Children. Which my wife and I now have five and a new one is soon to arrive in late October. What a joy it is to be part of a family and have such closeness to each other.

Our Youngest Member

Our youngest is Brayden just three weeks old and already charming the pants off those around him. He likes the closeness of someone and settles down to just being calm. When hes kind of crankie all you have to do is just rest your hand next to his face and he finds comfort and drifts off into is little world, thats growing bigger everyday.

Family Members are Good Things

Family members find comfort in each other and thru conversation finds solutions that help them feel better about things in their life. People who arent felling this close togetherness are missing the basic therapy of life and that is the give and take getting together and being support for each other. Sure you can move to an island and find solice but whats the joy in that.

After crashing with my first marriage and found confort so I thought will singleness of my life. Im sure that was a way of trying to avoid making the same mistake the next time. During this span of time I met a girl who I date a half dozen times. One time she asked if I would like to come to one of her family reunions and I not really thinking about it said yes. She hailed from a small suburb in the outskirts of Chicago. They the family members that sponsored the event estimated that over three hundred family members attended and it was held on a small farm. Banquet tables were everywere and the food seemed to have no ending. Almost immediately people said hi and shook my hand and some even tried to finger out which branch of the family I belonged to.

In a matter of one hour or less I offically became part of their family and even particaped in the good by hugs. It was an incredible high for me and I didnt even have to take something to get there.

So if your not doing it now, start tomorrow and bond with your family members. Im sure like me, it will be a major plus for you.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Saadia Malik

Never be shy with your nakedness




My Father was a Social Person

My Father was man of many talents and loved to be a social person. If there was someone to talk to, my Father would find him or her. As a young boy he had two brothers and they all shared the same bed room. So shyness was not a problem for him. My Mother on the other hand was just the opposite and even thought she never gained an unnecessary pound was always very shy about not being fully clothed all the time. One time when my Father had a tad to much Scotch he proclaimed from the bedroom that seeing his wife naked was a good thing. Mother did not share this feeling and by her own admission stated that dressing was a private thing for her. And going to bed required all lights out and curtains closed. Well that was my Mother and that was her way but it didn’t seem to interfere with the constant hugging and kissing that went on between my Mother and Father.

I like the Open Approach

I personally favor a more liberal approach and whole handedly approve of seeing my wife in fewer clothes as possible. She’s a good looker and I like looking.

Closeness is Good for you

When people marry they make a commitment to each other and this includes being close from time to time. I think less clothes promotes closeness and that’s a good thing.

Love Sees know flaws in the Human Body

No one in my thinking should be concerned how they look to the person they love. Primarily because the person you love, loves you just the way you are. Being in love with someone is a condition that finds no fault with the person they love. So when someone loves someone they see only the affects of love and not what someone else might see. People who love each other don’t see flaws or etc. because their not visible thru the eyes that see the one they love. Sounds crazy but that’s just the way love works. So if your shy don’t give it another thought, because your love companion sees only love and love it perfect. It’s a mind thing and don’t give it another thought.

Love will not Require Change

It has been my observation that people who don’t like something about you or want you to change something are really not truly in love with you. So saddle up and find someone who finds you perfect just the way you are. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by greggoconnell

Tuesday

When should one get married?




Now if you Both Love each Other


You will be able to answer this question by both of you being honest with each other. If your both currently living on your own and living the life that you like, you have passed the first hurdle in thinking about getting married. Now here’s the next question. Are you each going to allow the other to continue being themselves and not expect them to change and accommodate you? Of course it goes with out saying that each must be committed to be faithful to each other and that kind of commitment requires that each party be in love with each other.

If it's not Working Now, It wont Work after Saying I Do

Marriage that truly works is a contract that says our love is the number one important ingredient that makes glue bind two people together. But marriage shouldn’t change you from being the person who are and want to be. So if either one of you aren’t sure you can’t make this commitment stop and give more time to the thinking. If it isn’t working before marriage its not going to change after you say I do.

Marriage isn't the Answer for Most Couples

Considering the divorce rate in this country one can easy conclude that most people think marriage is the answer to their problems and all will be well when there hitched. This is like going to Disney World and then going home and thinking your life is going to just like that all the time. Does that type of thinking seem to work for you? If this is what your thinking may I suggest you visit a marriage advisor before saying I do and get a large dose of reality. Because what you are now, is what you’ll be after you get married. Marriage doesn’t solve anything, it just legally connects the both of you and that’s it.

Marriage Doesn't Change Anything

I will one hundred percent guarantee that nothing in your life will change when you get married. Marriage doesn’t make love or find happiness. Its just a legal piece of paper that’s making you both responsible for each others legal obligations the second after the legal married paper is signed and during all the time your married.

Marriage Works Best when both Parties are Themselves

Marriage is probably the most misunderstood arrangement in the human experience. If your marrying each other because you love each other and your both going to continue to allow each other to be who they are then you have a good chance of success. If this isn’t the climate in your togetherness then expect nothing to change and when if fails don’t look elsewhere, just look in the mirror. That’s how If feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by makelessnoise

When in doubt watch others




Watch Married Couples that are Happy


Success in anything requires learning the right things to do and success is best learned by watching those who succeed. Everyone knows the couple that seems perfect for each other. You know, there the ones that glow like a one hundred watt light bulb
when they’re with each other.

I Learned by Trial and Error

I didn’t have roll models when I was a kid growing up, so I learned the hard way by trial and error. Yes everything that we learn in life requires effort and experience. To try and fail is learning process if you do something long enough and your putting forth your best effort then more then likely you’ll prevail and become good at it. In life more learning experiences are a good way to learn. But others like getting married is best figured out before you do it. And one if the many ways to accomplish this is to watch married couples that have succeeded and maybe ask them for advice.

My Father Chose Me

My Father, who chose me when I was older, always treated his wife with respect and never to my knowledge displayed behavior that demeaned her as a human being. They were good to each other and they showed their feelings for each other in a multitude of ways. Both had their way of thinking and doing. But they always valued each other. When there was a clash of methods the best method prevailed.

There are more Bad Examples then Good Examples

Considering the divorce rate in this country is not hard to figure out that there are more bad examples then good ones. But don’t give up because they’re out there and you will find them in places where you would least expect them to be. Happiness and success in marriage doesn’t require large quantities of money or good looks. So pay attention to couples no matter where they are and then just learn from them. And when your looking pay attention to everything not just the obvious stuff. Whats going on that doesn’t seem to draw attention to them? Listen not only to their words but notice the gestures and how the tone of their voice is when they’re talking to each other.

I got the Message the Second Time and its all about Feelings

Between my first marriage and the second there was a great deal of time. I wasn’t playing hard to get I just didn’t get it. And then one day a door opened and I got the message; at first I was just over whelmed by this incredible feeling of wellness that I have never felt before. In a short period of weeks the word love started wondering in and out of my thinking.

I have a Marriage Worth Watching

Today I am an excellent example of who to watch and learn from. I know what love is and the value it holds in my life. So stop looking and just pay attention to the couples that love each other and aren’t embarrassed to say that love word in front of their friends. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by melalouise

Sunday

Stand Tall & So Will Your Marriage




Walking Tall Increases your Value


Have you ever looked at the trees in a forest and noticed the tallest ones and how well they’re doing? Trees are like people they strive to get all the sunlight they can, that is nourishment to them. This same concept works for people, the taller you walk the more your value increases in the scheme of things. No I’m not suggesting people wear elevated shoes; what I’m suggesting is the standing straight is a way of saying I’m ok and I like myself.

Lack Value

We’ve all noticed people who don’t seek to be noticed because that lack value in themselves and the don’t find comfort in the limelight.

My Mother understood the value of Standing Up Utraight

My Mother always insisted that standing tall was good for you and gave you more social status. And Mother loved being social and following the rules of proper behavior. No she was a prude but she did like the silver ware properly placed on the table. My Mother gained her fame and prestige because she understood the value of standing tall and being all that you can be.

My Mother insisted We Sit Up Straight

During my tenure as High School student my boy friends enjoyed coming to my home for lunch. Mother always made fancy things to consume. Like sandwiches with all the crust cut off and cut into smaller pieces for consumption. Any new friends had to either watch me or one of the other persons having lunch with me. Mother had only one rule, I had to call before lunch and indicate how many were coming to lunch. We had this bar area, which contained a large round table, and six could easy sit with room to spare. Oh I also had a limit of three visitors at any given day.

The New Lunchers quickly got the Message

It was really funny to watch the ones who had eaten at my house before and how they would instruct the newbie to do things. Like for example eat with your mouth shut, spoon your soup from the back to the front, always use a napkin and take small bits at a time. They all learned the rules and my Mother beamed at her success in changing behavior of my friends. They didn’t mind because they enjoyed the food and like the attention my Mother would give them. And of course everyone had to mention that the food was great and before leaving say thank you. Mother would have made an excellent teacher regarding the social graces.

Even Dad had to Follow the Rules

Even my Dad had to follow the protocol and stand straight and be a gentlemen at all times. If everyone had parents like I did this would be a better place to live in. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Sir Mildred Pierce

Saturday

A Promise is as real as the cement in your driveway




A Promise is real when Love Rules


People of all ages make promises and most of the time they are well intended but aren’t always carried out. This kind of behavior is tolerable with the no couple variety of people. But with married people it should and must carry a higher degree of certainty that it will be completed as promised.

Broken Promises and Marriage don't mix

To a non-married relationship promises spread out like the dirty laundry on cleaning day and sometimes not all the dirt or etc comes out in the first wash. And this is an ok situation, but lesser relationships can tolerate a broken promise because it didn’t carry the seal of a married person.

A Love Promise carries a higher degree of Responsibility

Everyday I heard the words of couples promising something and then fail to come forth with the goods or services promised. When this happens between lovers it a sign that the relationship needs some directional changing or needs a major over haul. Either way the party to the crime need to realize that love carries a higher degree of responsibility then just a friendly lets get together thing for the night. When couples give a solemn promise to each other it’s an understanding that says I promise I will do whatever I promise to you. And when the guilty party doesn’t complete the promise the fiber of their relationship starts to slightly weaken at the edges. And if it is not stopped and promises continue to be uncompleted the paper on which the contract is written will drift away like the tumbleweed in the Wild West.

Promises be Writen down

And I will do something, is something that should be so noted on a piece of paper or device and viewed periodically so that the party of the second part doesn’t forget the promise. No you wont be rewarded with the trumpets of Romes returning armies after winning a great battle. But then again you wont be lowered in the eyes of the one that counts on you and expects your love for them to make the promise be fulfilled.

Couples often wonder why their Promise didn't work

Separated couples are wandering everywhere and wondering why their joyful promise to each other didn’t stand the test of time. Maybe too many yes I will didn’t get completed. And the faulty doers didn’t realize that every failure to do request was so noted in the mind of the asker. And in time the weight of the promises broken, set the wheels of divorce turning until someone gets served and eventually the courts divided the stuff and each are single again.

I know the Feeling when a Promise is Broken

I know the value of a promise because I participated once in destroying the value of the words written on the paper of togetherness. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by mikelao26

Friday

Learn to whistle



Whistling Calms the Savage Beast

Every since I can remember I have been a whistling person. It’s a calming effect for me. If I’m going to do a speech or something else that’s a new experience I catch myself whistling and I do it without thinking about it. And I’m good at it. I remember one time when I was visiting a friend in Boca Raton Florida. One day while she was tending to a small outside business, I decided to walk to a local outside bar and enjoy a glass of beer. While there I started whistling. Next to my table an elderly gentlemen was sitting and commented how good I sounded I blushed a little not thinking anyone was listening. He asked if he could join me, I gestured to a seat across from me. He had trouble getting up so I offered to join him and I did. We talked for an hour or two and it didn’t seem that long.

A Fellow Whistler

While we were talking a big black limo drove up and the driver stepped out and walked over to the person I was talking to. The man said something to the driver and then turned and told me thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts with me. I said the pleasure was mine. He gave me a card and said please call me if you like and we can enjoy a beer again. I said Ill try to make it happen.

Whistling helped him remember his Wife

Days later I found myself thinking about the man and decided to give him a call. He came to the phone and agreed to join me for a drink. While we were enjoying the nice day and gentle breeze he asked me to whistle a tune for him. I told him I wasn’t really into whistling to others ears and kept my habit pretty much to myself. He said please you make me remember my wife who used to whistle to me while I was sitting next to her hospital bed. He said she to had the habit of whistling when she was alone. He said three months ago while sitting by her bed she stopped whistling and I looked down and she had closed her eyes passed away without saying a word. He said they we married for over eighty-five years and they never spent a night away from each other. He said thank you helping me remember the sounds of her whistling.

In time his car returned and before he left he asked if he could have my phone number. I obliged and we parted company.

A Message from a Grateful Person

Months later after returning to My Michigan home I received a phone call from a lawyer who had a message for me from the Gentlemen who I enjoyed a few beers with. The lawyer informed me the man had passed away and left a message for me in his will. Call Don and tell him thank you for helping me remember the sound of a person whistling. And that was the message, I guess we made some kind of connection that helped him help himself. It’s amazing what a practice of whistling will do for the human soul. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by sirsudsalot

Marriage is no place for losers




Losers don't make Good Marriage Partners


Losers are people that go to the racetrack and hope for their horse to change the luck in their life and make them a winner. Gamblers are a strange lot of people they will spend every dime they have on a roll of the dice, but don’t have a clue how to win the game of life.

Losers want to Win but expect to Lose

A loser is a person who wants to win but knows its not likely they will win and so their life goes. Marriage is not for losers and just for winners. Winners don’t leave their life to chance, they gather all the knowledge they can consume and then pick the best opportunity for success and they expect to win. Winners don’t expect to lose, because their mind set is on success.

An Open Mind Feeds Success

Success is not like a poker game; its more like a science and every detail is taken care of. Success requires an open mind and the clear vision of a person who knows what they want.

Horses got most of his Money

I knew a gentlemen that used to spend almost every penny he made on the horses and had to borrow money on Monday to pay for his lunch in the vending machine at work. But then one day, he didn’t ask for a loan and started bringing his lunch instead. We who were co-workers just assumed he finally hit bottom and couldn’t afford to borrow money any more.

Love Equal Success

Six months later while enjoying a small draft at local cowboy hang out my friend showed up with a lovely girl and was holding a newborn baby in his arms. We connected and we both smiled and he sat down. I walked over and said hi and met his new family. The new baby girl had his dark hair and her blue eyes. I asked if I could hold the baby and he shook his head ok. We sat for a while and enjoyed each other’s company. Then I excused myself and left. While outside I observed a car with marriage writing all over it and tin cans tied to the rear bumper.

I got a Ticket and He got a Family

My car was one block away parked near a fire hose connection, which caused my car to be towed away by a wrecker. The police person present asked if that was my car I said yes and he gave me a ticket. Just then a car drove by with the noise of dragging cans behind it. They didn’t see me but I watched them and smiled both inside and out. What a lucky guy he was for finding the family that made him a whole person.

This of course was before I found love and created my own dreams to enjoy. If you find love then that makes you a winner. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Sister72

A happy Marriage Requires Restraint





Restraint In Communication is Vital


If a couple exchanges rings, vows and promises to love till death, then the number one rule of engagement is restraint. Nothing in my thinking is more important in the human equation is the relationship between husband and wife. Maybe one could go so far as to say that the very fiber of the children produced will be determined by how each party shows restraint in communication with each other especially in the presence of their off spring.

Parents must find Better Ways to Communicate

I’m sure currently married people and even those who presently are separated or divorced can easily equate to the need to find a better way to communicate with the loves of there life or used to love. Love is a powerful together word that when used helps people who love each other to cling tighter and hold on harder to the fiber of their love for each other and say to themselves I will never let go of this love I share with the love of my life. But the books and voices of those who have failed in this great battle of wellness will in large numbers step forward and gladly admit the failure of their ability to use restraint to do everything they could to keep the connection of their love together.

A Ten Second Rule Might be Appropriate

Hindsight is always better then fore sight and its easy address are failures and say we will do better in the future. If this were true divorces would be going down rather then up. So we who profess love and fail must learn the fine art of restraint and use it regularly and wisely when dealing with each other. Maybe a ten second rule should apply until the issue passes and clearer heads prevail. So if you don’t want to regret what you say, then don’t say it. How hard cant that be? It’s far better to be ok then to engage just to further a thought that hasn’t been thought out very well.

Regret Your Words?

Have you ever thought about the word restraint and what it means? It means to step back and consider more about what your going to say or do. Think of all the times you showed no care about the other person well being and you forged ahead only to regret your words and the way you presented them. Imagine how life may have work out if restraint became the law of the land and all issues required it us before moving forward on any situation confronting us? I think the world would have found a friend and that friend first name would have been restraint.

Children Must Learn the Value of Restraint and Practice its use

I think we should raise are children with understanding of the word restraint and they should be required to use it and learn the purpose of its use. And then maybe the halls of school would contain no children because they would be in the classrooms learning what they need to learn.

Restraint is a good word, please give it a try and see how it works for you. That’s how I feel and I m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by merfam

Thursday

Life is not all about you




The World Doestn't Revolve Around Us

Boy does that hit the nail on the head. We humans have a tendency to think of the world only from our point of view and that limits our ability to enjoy all that life has to offer. It is true that we do give a great deal of thought to ourselves because we never get a break from ourselves. Where we are, there we are. I have this strange feeling that life is more complicated when we focus only on ourselves. And the reason I say this is because it harder for us to deal with ourselves then it is to help other people. And also we get more rewards upfront when we help others rather then ourselves.

How Many Times have You Been Mentioned?

Allow me to show you how unimportant you are to the rest of the world. Watch tv and read the newspaper and tell me how many times it mentions you or anything you do. More then likely your like me and there’s no mention of you anywhere in the two mediums.

Give Yourself Some Space

So for your good well being move away from yourself and see what else is going on in the world. You’ll find many opportunities to help others and enjoy the benefits that service provides to the giver.

Parents Make You Number One

Its very easy in life to think the world evolves around you and parents have a tendency to promote that kind of thinking by making you number one in their life. But in time life will require you move away from you parents and become a real member of the world. Life is about all of us and the world is getting bigger all the time.

Give Yourself to Others

One of the greatest joys in life is giving of yourself to others and help those who cant help themselves. Im not much of a religious person but I do believe that what you give freely to others is returned to you in greater ways then what you gave. So it makes sense to be a giver, then always being the center of attention.

One Good Deed

Go ahead and do just one good deed and then see what that does for you. In time something or someone will come your way and say thank you by being a helping hand to you. That’s how I feel and Im sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by David FraĆ­z

Wednesday

Never give in till love whispers in your ear





In a Moment a Child is Created


All too often the moment of excitement and over whelming joy win out and things happen that never should have. Time is the only cure for this unfortunate behavior. I was once young and loved that special reaction when someone special came close to me. I was one of the lucky ones I never created a person that wasn’t planned for. All to often under this over whelming urge we act, rather then waiting to see if love is the force that's driving us together. Only time and common sense will give us the go-ahead sign because love is knocking on our door.

That's not My Baby?

We all see everyday the results of bad behavior that creates children and then watch the doers walk away and say that’s my baby and pretend it wasn’t their fault she the Mother lured them into her spell. They also say he’s not the Father because she’s a player and she doesn’t even know who the father is.

Maybe Know One Will Claim You

Well future Father who wants to play, stand up and take the test and prove your innocence or don’t and show the world how worthless you are. And let the word get around that you just like to play but don’t want to be a dad. Then maybe you will find yourself alone and no one wants to claim you.

If Your not Ready to Be, Don't

I know the feeling of having no Father or Mother when I was a young boy. It’s sad to stand out in the community as a person not worthy of having parents who loved them. Here’s my thought to you, if your not ready to be a parent don’t take the chance and just say no till the right person comes along. You know when its right, because love has a special way of making you feel and will be different then any way you have ever felt before.

Remember the Creator is Watching are You Doing Right

Don’t contribute to the family of children wondering the earth to find their parents only to discover the doers don’t even want them. Don’t let your worth be determined by the parents who didn’t want you in the first place. You know who you are and how special you are. Be all that you can be and ignore the beginning of your life. Remember you’re the creator’s creation and that makes you special to him. And that’s the only validation you need to be yourself.

Remember always that you and you alone are the main source of your wellness and that’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by powerbooktra...

Friday

Chewing Gum and Toothpicks




Gum & Toothpicks Help or Hurt


These two aforemented items are highly engrained in the world’s social society and each serves useful services. The toothpick has long been used as a simple device to remove stuck food material from between are teeth and that decease the effect of tooth decay. Gum helps people relax and improve the quality of the breath they expel. But other uses seem to be less useful in helping the human experience grow closer together.

But Theres Always a But

I have no ax to grind with either one of these items, both serve a useful purpose and that’s a good thing. But and there’s always a but. Using these items on a regular basis is not only not healthy for you its not a good looking thing to do to promote social interaction that helps promote a good looking thing.

Both Are Addictive

I am of the opinion that these habits are just as addictive as smoking or drinking alcohol. They all present social behavior that doesn’t speak well of them and doesn’t endear people to them. We as a society are already having enough problems promoting good images of each other and this makes coupling up and staying together a harder thing to do. It’s like the camel theory, which goes like this. That’s the straw that broke the camels back. Most relationship are under siege for many reasons and each reason is one more straw on the camels back and if enough straw is gathered the camel lays down and the relationship ends and everyone involved leaves the relationship with more baggage then they started with.

We Need to Make Better Presentations

We all need to polish our presentation to each other and keep the maintenance of good habits working in are favor. Marriage is a relationship that loses more converts then it gains and because of this we as a society need to upgrade are person and make better presentations and create better habits in are lives. A house of stone is built by one stone at a time. So does the relationship loving people have together. Getting married is the first stone and new stones need to be added to make it work all the time. Marriage is an ongoing adventure and never stops loving or growing closer to each other.

Remember Habits Say Something About You

So habits of all levels of thinking need to be either stopped or revised to keep the wheels of wellness turning. No habit is too small for consideration and possible change. Remember the goal is to stay together, be in love and last till the last breath of your life. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Vox_Efx

Never raise your voice





Cheeseburger or Salad?


Monday we visited McDonalds and enjoyed a double cheeseburger, which my doctor advises me to stop eating and replace with more grass and low fat stuff. No way man a cheeseburger is the very fiber of the American dream and cant be replaced by the unlikely and not so good tasting salads, which also requires using the condiments that has no good stuff in it.

Voices Were Raised

During my enjoyment of the double cheeseburger a couple sitting next to us started having issues with each other over the use of their cell phones. The wife was complaining that whenever she tries to call him. His phone is busy. He says that she dials the wrong number because he hardly talks to anyone and he cant understand why she’s having a hard time getting hold of him.

Its Hard to Hear When Both are Hollering

During this encounter of words there conversation became more obvious because at one point they were both hollering at each other. I guess that’s a strong way to get you point home to the other person.

Anger is Harmful

Both were very angry and not paying any attention to what the other person was saying. Anger ruled and the rest of us got indigestion because of their unhappiness with each other. Soon the manager interjected his feelings and the couple left in a huff of words saying were never eating here again. The crowd including my wife and I breathed a sigh of relief and gained our composure of our sense of well being.

Is Talking Louder Helping You?

Whats with the talking so loud? Is this learned behavior or what? Yes I have I have on rare occasions raised by voice slightly in my wife’s presence and generally I feel the need to lower same before the loudness is returned to me. I know when I’m wrong and have know problem eating my words and saying I’m sorry; it generally works and I relax knowing things are well again between me and my partner.

Talking Loud is Learned Behavior

I often hear children speak loud and it’s generally because no one is listening to them. Maybe this loudness between peoples stems from their childhood. But even if they knew why, I’m not sure it would help them change anything. Habits are like ill winds they come and go and don’t seem to care how they affect things in there life.

Which is More Important Talking or Listening?

I have this theory that says people talk loud because the other person won't listen to what they’re saying. Primarily because there talking both at the same time. Would it be so much better if low talk became popular and forced people to listen harder to understand what the other person is saying?

What is Raising Your Voice Saying About You?

Here’s the jest of what I’m talking about; raising your voice is a sign that you don’t care what the other person is saying. Is that sad or what. Only thru listening and understanding do we have the ability to understand and make changes that can improve the quality of our life. I love feeling good and talking loud is an intrusion into my space of wellness. Even at the movies people continue to talk loud and don’t even seem like their watching the movie. Sounds like were too much into ourselves and not getting the togetherness thing. What a great loss that is.

I hope we wake up and learn the art of talking low and with love mixed in. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Vox_Efx

Revealing Private Secrets are Taboo





Love Doesn't Share Secrets


What goes on between married couples that love each other is private and shouldn’t be shared with anyone else without the prior consent of your spouse. What goes on between the hearts of two people was never met to be shared with others; doing so is a great betrayal of trust and destroys the bond that holds two people together.

What Not To Do

My first marriage was an example of what not to do. We both had good intentions but lacked the proper instructions on what not to do. We both in small ways violated the trust we had for each other by sharing little bits of information about our togetherness that should have stayed silent between the two of us. We both paid a heavy price to our failure to be silent about our togetherness. Today we both understand the errors of our past and have made good steps for not repeating our past mistakes.

Secrets Are Secret

Conversations and activities between married people is a closed issue and should never leave the room of their origin. It’s hard to keep the faith when your faith is under the test of being true to each other. It’s normal to share things with people because were looking for answers and try to justify are actions. But words between two people that truly love each other are for their ears only and should never see the light of day unless both parties sign off on the sharing of things.

Secrets Kept Show Love is Present

Sharing our pain is a way of releasing the demons and finding some sense of understanding on whats happening in our life. But sharing private thoughts, words and secrets are the domain of both loving partners and should best remain there.

Keep the Faith

Learning the rights and wrongs of loving each other is a difficult process and isn’t easy with all the pressures life puts on our back. But keeping the faith of silence with your love is like being faithful to yourself. Before marriage your both single when you marry you become a couple and your lives become one in the journey of life.

Our Secrets are Just for Us

No one is without guilt and isn’t qualified to throw the first stone. Were all learners till the day we stop breathing. Until then we just learn what we can and do the best that we can. And keeping secrets, Secret is the right thing to do. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by dipfan

Always say Please and Thank You





We Take it For Granted


Were all guilty of not using common courtesies to get or receive something. We are all at times are seeking and using the help of others and I’m afraid most of the time we take it for granted and don’t give credit due when it is due.

Children Are Teachers Too

Sometimes our children teach the simple lessons to us. For a time now my love has been watching two of our grandsons and she says its been a real joy for her. I think its bringing up memories of raising her children and the fun she had doing that. No I don’t think it was all fun and Joy. But I do think we all have selective memory and most of the time we focus on the joys rather then the things that challenged us during the time we raised our children.

My Wife Watches Two of Her GrandChildren

My wife is currently working two to three days weekly. She leaves our home around five thirty am and arrives by six am at her eldest sons home. The two children are normally sleeping and so she just jumps in the king size bed and views the youngest via the baby watch tv and then hits the pillow. Cohen the oldest child who is two has his own bedroom just down the hall. Hopefully my wife gets some snooze before Cohen opens his door and gravitates to the master bedroom and snuggles next to Nana and says mornin and then moves a great deal and then resumes his morning sleeping. if Nana is lucky they all sleep to eight or so. Then Cohen snuggles close to Nanas ear and says quietly breakfast please? Then the day begins.

Protocol Requires Please and Thank You

Nana my wife is a great believer is learning proper protocol. If Cohen wants something he must use the word please and if he receives something he says thank you. Currently please sounds more like pees, but thank you is pretty much on mark.

My Mother Taught Me

My Mother expected and required the same response from me. If I wanted something that was my best approach to getting it. Any other approach met with a blank expression on my Mothers face. If I didn’t get it she would give her regular thank you and please definition and soon I learned my part and still do today.

Please & Thank You Are Sights of Respect

If you want something and someone can help you achieve that goal your best approach is saying please and thank you. Proper presentation and gratefulness is the right way to handle this wanting and needing. Doing other wise dulls the senses of helping and results are less then perfect.

Do The Right Thing

If you know the right thing, pass it on because it’s the right thing to do. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Orin Optiglot

Thursday

When Times get Difficult Lovers move closer together





Fear Draws Lovers Closer


Everyone in life faces situations that frighten them and worry fills their mind. When this happens we usually close ranks and just focus all are thoughts on ourselves. This would of course not be the course of people who find their coupleness as their place of sanctuary when things are overwhelming them.

Love Kept Me Ok

I over two years ago was diagnosis with prostate cancer and boy did that shake the foundation of my being. Today my prognosis looks great and feeling good about my life and how things are going for me. Had it not been for the love of my life I’m sure I would have totally freaked out and probably would have spent a great deal of time feeling bad and worrying about whether I was going to die.

Being Alone is a Bad Time to Hurt

While going for treatments I got to meet many people in my condition and felt their fear and faith by just viewing there face. Some always were up beat while others seemed to carry the load of the world and hardly ever smiled. Many of these patients by their own admission were alone and had no one to sustain them during these hard times. Some were even living in nursing homes and were transported by social services to receive their treatments.

Love Equals Wellness

When I fell in love it changed the very fiber of my being. And it gave me a sense of wellness that I have never felt before. Love may not cure your illness, but it will make you emotionally ok while your going thru these difficult times. Sometimes I try to explain love and what it does to you, but people who have never experienced it don’t have any reference to understand what your talking about. I guess you need to feel it so you can tell the difference between real love and the imitation stuff.

Love is a Good Virus

When you find love it consumes you, like a good virus in your body. Know matter what happens to you, your love never decreases and always says to your mind I love you.

Love is the Best Feeling for You

Love is like water its everywhere and finding it is easy. Stop for a moment and think about what I’m telling you. Love is not what you think it is, it is what you feel when you meet it. A girl I dated once said that love is the feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Pay Attention and When You Feel It, Grab the Person Your With

When you find true love it will be the best feeling you have ever felt and you will never want to leave it. It will be the nicest thing you have ever experienced. So don’t rely on what you see, pay attention only to how you feel. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by romeoergatto

Religion




Love Means God to Me

Religion to many people is a strong force that influences their life in many ways. I believe in my way and seldom share my thoughts with others. I believe in a creator and an entity that is pure love. That’s the extent of my spiritual thinking. It works for me and that’s generally where it stays.

Spreading the Word

Recently I was visited by three young men spreading the word of their thinking. They wanted to come in and share their faith with me. I told them thanks but no thanks. They were kind and not pushy people.


No Church when I was Growing up


When I grew up I did a few times go to church, but it was never on a regular basis and didn’t seem to work for me. Maybe If my parents had been present maybe that would have made a huge difference and I would be a different believer today.

Self Appointed Gods

My Father once said that more people have been killed in the name of religion then for any other single reason. That thought kind of unsettles me, if church is so good and loving why are so many religious people out killing other religious people all in the name of the Creator. Surely the Creator is not requesting this to happen. I guess its all about self appointed Gods who see themselves as the chosen ones.

Religious Points of View are Important

If your considering marriage you might want to check and see the status of the one your going to connect to. Maybe their point of view isn’t compatible with yours. Most religions seem to favor the man as the head of the household and view women playing a more subservient role in the marriage. In other words he’s the final word and your not.

Women Weren't to Men

My wife used to golf with a friend that belonged to a popular church that wouldn’t give women the right to vote on church issues. My wife said that her friend Helen was always voicing her opinion and was frequently asked to sit down and remain silent. My wife being an equal person finds this church stuff a tad bit hard to swallow.

Religion Can be a Problem in Marriage

Before entering into a marriage you might well be best served to make sure your religion is compatible with the one you’re going to marry. You might discover that you and your future spouse have many points of view that will create difficulties after you get married. Its better to resolve these problems while there still in the planning stage and you can still exit without things getting out of hand and someone get hurt or need help in getting out of.

Be smart know all you need to know before saying I do. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by wallyg

Never stop talking, because silence hurts





Silence is Deafening


When you stop talking all you have is silence and silence is one of the most difficult things to deal with. If you’re having a problem with someone and you wont talk about it, then all your doing is starting a fire that can’t be put out. It not only can’t be put out but it gets bigger all the time till it becomes a forest fire and consumes everything in its way.

Silence Equals Hurt

It you want to truly hurt the one you love, that loves you; give them the silent treatment. When you do this your holding them hostage and they cant get better till you say something to them.

Its Hard to Talk with Your Foot in Your Mouth

I have had a few occasions when I said or did something that really affected my wife adversely. She is one who slightly with draws till the smoke clears and then talks to me again. I pushed for conversation right away because I don’t like feeling the way I do when this kind of situation is happening. I’m smart enough to know when I have put my foot in my mouth and I want to resolve it the minute I say or do the wrong thing. So I know the pain of silence and how harmful it can be. If your experiencing this from your special person and they wont say anything for days or weeks, I would suggest that what they feel for you isn’t the real thing; because if they loved you they wouldn’t be doing this to you. So save yourself future pain, bite the bullet of hurt and find a new real love relationship.

Five Seconds of Silence if OK to make a Point

Silence is sometimes appropriate to make a very important point. But shouldn’t be used as regular form of punishment just because you did something not up to snuff. Love is never silent between two people who truly love each other.

Silence is Best Served Cold

I used to work with a man who was constantly giving his wife the silent treatment and it was breaking her heart. The last time I observed this behavior we were having a gathering at their home, which involved drinking and munching on finger food; which his wife spent a great deal of time preparing. They not only looked good, but they tasted good and everyone except him liked the food. He gave her the silent treatment and wouldn’t say a word to her. In time with tongues lose by drink the whole thing came to a head. I asked him to stop picking on his wife and told me to mind my own business. He shared his words with me by shouting and everyone heard what he said and sided with his wife. When we all left no one said good by to him and only talked to her.

Silence Deserves Silence

On Monday we all returned to work and unknowingly had each decided we were going to give him the silent treatment in retaliation for the way he treated his wife. All day he sought conversation and only one person communicated with him and then only in written form.

Group Silence Works

As the days passed he became more and more stressful about the no talking thing going on with him. On Friday his wife came over to collect his check and told the cashier her husband was devastated by what was happening at work. She said he is truly sorry and promised he will never give me the silent treatment again.

He Learned & Started Talking

On Monday we treated him as one of us again and to the best of my knowledge he is still being talkative to his wife. I guess he learned the hurt that silence can bring and that was a good lesson to learn. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Sentience

Disappointment






Unhappiness is a Major Issue in the Human Experience


Disappointment runs rampant in the human society. And how we handle it tells the story of how our life will go. Yes we have many hopes and only a few of them if were lucky will come to pass and make our lives better. So what should we do with the ones that disappoint us? How you answer this question will pretty much determine how your marriage will go. I think most caring persons try to do their best and really try to please the people they love. But were all human and that makes us vulnerable to making bad choices and decisions that make our partner in life unhappy.

Don't Judge what you get by its Value

Disappointment is like a two way street, what goes one way may not be equal in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe you gave your husband a one thousand dollar gift and he only he only paid five hundred for yours. Yes on the surface this may not seem fair and you may think you love him more then he loves you. If my love judged me by what I buy her I would be in the doghouse all the time. The value of a gift is not judged by its cost, its judged by the love that delivers it.


My Love Deserves Everything


If I gave my wife what I think she worth I would walk the streets at night with only pennies in my pocket. You see my love is worth the world to me. I’m lucky she loves me for myself alone and not for the things that I can give her.

Love is the Last thing I Want to Lose

But people who are disappointed about something and make a big deal about it are setting the stage for failure in their marriage. Yes we all have expectations and sometime there not met. But is disappointment better then the love of your life? If you let anyone or thing be more important then the love you have for each other; you are a fool and fools never find happiness. I rather face adversity everyday then lose the love of my life. I for one know what I value most in life and that is my wife. Linda is my first and last thought of the day and without her the sun would stop shinning and my heart would stop beating. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by rileyroxx

Politics





Politics is Best left out of the Marriage


I mostly feel that anything is up for discussion in a marriage. But maybe one should be avoided if possible. Politics is a subject that frequently brings up feelings that might interfere with a couple that loves each other. Its one of those things that if your on difference sides of the issue tempers rise and voices try to out shout each other.

My Brother & I Avoid Talking about Politics

Allow me to share an example of what I’m talking about. My brother Ron and I share many interests together, which includes being good brothers to each other; are on opposing ends of the bridge when it comes to being Democrats or Republicans. My brother and I grew up in different environments and because of that have different ideas about the government and the part it should play in the scheme of things. My Brother learned his electricians trade in a union environment and thus has strong feelings about big business and the working class. He feels that the Republicans are for the rich and Democrats are for the workingman. So until just recently my Brother and I raised our voices and sometimes almost parted company. Then out of necessity we decided to not talk about politics, because if we didn’t we felt that our relationship would be forever damaged and neither one of us wanted that to happen.

We Aggreed to Stop Talking about Politics

Oh sure every once in awhile we would be watching tv together and some issue would come up and both of us would ever so lightly say something and then remember our agreement and retreat back into silence about that subject matter. So far this thinking has worked and I’m grateful for that. I have special feelings for my brother and don’t wish that connection to be broken. But it does challenge us from time to time.

Luckily my Lovely wife and I our of the same persuasion when it comes to politics and I'm grateful for that.

Politics other Name is Insanity

I truly believe that politics is one of those insane subjects that if not checked could very easily ruin a happy marriage. I’m not sure why were so serious about it and get so emotional. But it does and that’s the way it is. If people are coupled up it is my option that should they be on opposing sides they should forbid talking about the subject matter. If your relationship is already having problems this will increase those issues by leaps and bounds.

Politics, Guessing Weight and Age are NO NOs

I avoid talking about politics because know matter what you say your going to sooner or later put your foot in your mouth and then have trouble getting it out. So when discussion come up like this, I just nod my head and act like I’m listening intently.

I rather be a listener then an angry adversary. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by rileyroxx

Always encourage your mate to do things they like to do





Doing What You Like is Important


Sometimes being married we forget that each of us should continue to connect to things that we like to do, because its good for us emotionally and physically. So both spouses should encourage the other by keeping a list of what their spouse likes to do and once in awhile make it happen for them. Like insisting they do it and even going as far as making the arrangements. My lovely wife is always encouraging me to go to the Elks and enjoy the relationship that exists between members. I sometimes think I’m ignoring my wife, but she knows it's good for me and that means its good for her, because I feel better when I’m around people.

We Incourage Each Other to Call Our Friends

I often encourage my wife to talk to her friend in Michigan. They used to work together and are really good for each other. Sometimes they talk for hours on the phone. That’s good therapy and cheaper then seeing a head doctor.

Happiness List

I’m sure my wife has a list of things that work for me. And when she notices unhappiness knocking at my door she reviews her list and suggests a movie, lunch or a special meal at Myrtle Beach with involves having a special meal at popular fish eatery. It involves popcorn shrimp, special buttered rolls and all the trimmings.

The Ridding Mower is a Good Thing for Me

Even the ridding mower is good for me. So when I’m down a little she will suggest the grass needs mowing. And I feel I’m doing my share and still get the benefit of ridding the mower.

Hints Are Often Hopes of Things to Happen

I understand the need for my wife to involve herself in her two sons lives. And I encourage her to do something when she mentions something in that frame of thinking. She may start by saying we haven’t had a family barbeque in a long time. To me that’s a cry I want to see our family members and enjoy their company. We will talk about what we had last time and thru that we will decide what to have and when to have it. She knows what family members like and tries to give each member something special just for them.

I Watch the GrandChildren so Mother & Sons can talk

When they are invited she gets more input about what they would like and so the story goes. We all like to be important in the scheme of things and this is one great way to enjoy your family and keep the ties of wellness with them. And of course if will be good for you also.

So Keep Adding to the List

Always remember that feeling good is good for all of us. So keep your list and do you part and they will do theirs. Everyone will benefit and happiness will prevail. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Ezalis

You don’t have to win all the time to be happy




Winning Isn't Everything

Winning is a habit that’s best left in the basement with all the things you don’t want anymore. Winning the lottery or hitting the jack pot in Vegas can be a great thing to experience, but want to win all the time at all cost is a fools journey. Sure its great to win, but wining is a thing that comes once in awhile and isn’t a regular member at the dinner table.

Most Gamblers Fail

We know three couples that don’t know each other but they have one big thing in common, they love gambling and live to win back all the money they have lost. All three couples have good incomes and should be sitting on cash reserves for future obligations or emergencies. I think there doomed unless they manage to get some intervention and change their way of living.


Gambling & Marriage Success Seldom Work


I'm mentioning the gambling stuff only to make the point that wining at all cost can and will make your relationship less likely to succeed over the long haul.


A Good Marriage is Already a Winner


A good healthy marriage is about compromise. It’s a give and take arrangement. In a good marriage both parties win and wining isn’t the goal. The goal is to find happiness for both members and each gets their share of the happiness that life has to offer.

You Can't Always Win

One of our grandchildren went thru a phase when wining was everything. At first my wife and I kind of ignored the wining stuff and just let it pass. But time proved that it wasn’t going to get fixed by itself. So we decided that when she thru a fit about loosing, we would pick up the cards and go do something else. In time she got the message and stopped throwing a fit.


If Winning is that Important Get Help


The fact that were living, breathing and enjoy the wonders of the world and all should be well with us. If you see yourself playing the wining need get help and find yourself again. I like wining but it isn’t the force that rules my life. Love and happiness rules my life and I like it that way. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by waffler

Don’t lose yourself




Couple Up But Don't Lose Yourself

Before we get married for the first time we our single individuals and as such make decisions pretty much on our own. We are one against the world and things are relatively easy to confront and deal with. But what happens when you couple up with someone and become a couple or married? In principle the concept seems easy to understand and easy to implement. But in life being a couple brings new considerations and requires getting together and figuring out how to handle things that come up.

Now Your Both Obligated as One

When you want a car when your single you go buy one and that’s it' subject closed. Not so simple when you married. If I’m married and purchase something I not only obligate myself but I also obligate my mate to having to pay for it. In other words were both considered owing the debt and if one doesn’t pay it they the sellers will look to the other part of the couple to pay the obligation.

On the surface it all seems so simple.

We join hands say we do and will. But this is not just about being in love and living happily ever after. Generally speaking most couples have a dominant member and that person by themselves or by pressure make most of the decisions in the relationship. When this happens the silent member starts to lose their identity and feel like their still home and their parents are controlling all their movements and behavior. Now things start to become harder and harder to deal with. You’re seeing yourself being consumed by the togetherness and you aren’t finding anytime to be yourself and do the things that you want to do. When these feelings of losing yourself take over you will not be happy and if there are no children going home will start to be an option for consideration.


Women Have Less Toys


Living with someone and their having all the toys and all the fun where are the benefits for you? Men have a tendency to think there thoughts and wants are more important then their mate. If this thinking is left unchecked a total imbalance will occur and you will find yourself standing before the mirror and saying this isn’t working and I want out.

Most Relationships are Controled by One Partner

Most partners will attempt to change and give you some control but its only a ploy that has no real power behind it and in time things return to the one having it all and the other losing themselves in the togetherness and can't find themselves any more. When this continues to happen grab some clothes and leave a message I’m filing for a divorce.

In time you’ll find yourself again and smile in the mirror and feel good about yourself. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by mcbarnicle

Saturday

If it won’t Work, stop Working at it




Breaths Life Into Cars

My Youngest Stepson is in the trade of making the wheels on cars roll down the street. And if you bring your treasure to him and its fixable he will bring it back to life.

I Had to Say Goodby to My Car

Six months ago I had to part with a good friend and loyal companion. It was a late model Jimmy and it was a joy to ride and even the air-conditioning still worked. The fateful day came and my Stepson gave me the bad diagnosis the car is beyond help and sell or junk it out. Weeks later and with a tear in my eye, I put it up for sale. Three different people offered what I was asking but couldn’t make the deal till Friday. I told them the first one with the money gets the car. Friday at four thirty the youngest of the three arrived with cash in hand and we made the deal. He drove away and I felt I had abandoned my long time friend, but I moved on and tried to remove the thought from my mind.

My Car Lives Again

Three weeks ago we were having lunch and in walked the young man that purchased the Jimmy from me. I couldn’t help but seek him out and inquire about the car. He said the car is now part of another car of the same make and told me to step outside and see how it looks. My car lives again because this young man put his and my car together using the good parts and the new Jimmy looked great.

I Had to Treat it Like a Death

My wife joked about now I can put the sale to rest and be happy with the results. She was right and I did just that.

Let Go

Fixing cars is like keeping a marriage going when all the signs are saying, let go and let the deal fall apart like it should have in the first place.

Recognize the Facts and Move On

Some marriages aren't going to work know matter how much effort, time or money you invest in them. Many joining of hands are doomed from day one and I think we all know it and just ignore what are mind and heart is telling us. Sure we may look good together and have fun doing things but the spark of love isn’t there and never will be. Why spend all this time trying to make the puzzle fit when all the signs are saying let go and find the right person the next time. Holding on because you like the person, won't make the marriage thing work. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by ilkerender

Friday

Never stop being Friends




We Forget Were Friends

Sometimes in the hustle and bushel of life we forget to remember who we are and what we mean to each other. Yes were in love but also were friends and that’s a very special thing to friends and should never be over shadowed by the complications of life. I don’t think that we as humans have what would be called real true friendships. My wife has one and she talked to her for more then two hours last night. I’m not sure what they were talking about but it must have been good for both of them because they were laughing and giggling about things the were saying to each other.

I Have Two True Friends

I have two such friends and both are family members and one is my oldest son. We share the first name so I couldn’t possible forget him. I have always loved my two sons but between the two Don is more user friendly and I find myself talking to him about everything and never seem to be concerned about what he’s thinking nor do I worry about what he says to me. He will with great ease of presentation make his point of views about things and we do have some differences of opinion, but I never hear words from him that interfere with the friendship we have. Friends are always honest and straight forward but their views are not vent towards each other and that's the special connections friends share and that’s why they continue to be friends.

My Other Best Friend is the Love of My Life

My second friend is my best friend and she just happens to be my wife. I not sure that many people can make this kind of statement and mean it. Cutie my special name for her is a straight from the shoulder person, when she’s talking to someone and if you want her real opinion she will share it with you and it wont always be easy to digest. But she doesn’t say it to hurt you, she just says what she believes to be the truth and her insight is good a thing to bet on, because batting average is almost 909. Sometimes like a friend she knows I’m not looking for the truth and just talking to hear myself talk. When this condition exists she holds her thoughts to herself and just listens and helps promote my good thoughts if any happen to pass her way.

I love my friends and I’m glad I have them. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Snow Kisses Sky

Your true mate always knows the thoughts that make you dream




Dreams


Our thoughts are always making us think about things and things make us feel and sometimes those feelings drive us to wondering about all the things we didn’t do and miss the thought that we didn’t do it. Oh my love and I have all that we can handle in the good feeling department but we all have dreams that we have never fulfilled and we wonder sometimes if we missed the boat and feel that maybe we missed a great opportunity to explore higher feelings that weve never felt before.

We Know What Love Is

My wife and I are lucky people because we know the different between what we thought was love and what love really is. I think to many people fail to find real love and then spend the rest of their life missing and feeling bad about not knowing it. Love is like eating that special something that always gives you a special warm and wonderful high in your mind.

Magic Wand

I wish sometimes I could wave a magic wand and give every couple true love and what a joy that would bring to the world.

Lovers Always Share Their Love

Couples who love each other never miss the joy of sharing their love with each other and always remember the joy and share it with each other all the time. Its like love couples know that life is changing and we cant do the same things we used to do when we were young and nimble. But we can remember and sharing those moments from time to time with each other gives us good thoughts that over ride the feelings of losing our youth and these good thoughts recharge the fire of love in our heart and minds and once again we revisit the joys of our growing up. Knowing when to ignite these thoughts of wellness is a true sign of truly being true lovers to each other. If you cant have the real thing then the memory of it is the best substitute for it. My love like me is always conscious of being togther and how important it is to keep the fire of love burning. All things will change in life and that’s just the way life is. But change isn’t bad it just requires a new path to follow which always leads us to the togetherness of each other. I would like very much to change the lackness of my youth but never would I want to change the love between me and the love of my life.

Thoughts are Pictures of Love

So don’t forget to share your thoughts, because thoughts keep the fire of love burning. That’s how I feel and Im sticking to it.


Don L.
The Marriage Guru

photo by Ctd 2005

Love doesn’t require change but it does require confirmtion




Don't Kinker with Love

When you find love don’t kinker with it, because its perfect just the way it is. Love is like the hope diamond it stands out in the crowd like the brightest light in the darkness. It is what it is and it will never change.

Be Guided by Your Feelings

People from the beginning of time have sought to find it and be happy for ever after. But love doesn’t carry a big banner, which says here I am Im yours for the asking. No love comes in a plain paper bag and doesn’t have any writing on it. So how do we know what bag to pick? There is only one instrument in all of the universe that gauges what love is and that gauges is how you feel about the bag which is no different looking then any other bags. Oh yes some of the bags are more nicely wrapped and appear more like love then the other bags.

Trust Your Feelings

The correct guage for selecting the right bag for you is trusting what your feelings are telling you and not what your senses are saying. What you observe maybe like the apple in the garden of eden he looks good, tastes great but isn’t the apple of your eye. If you trust your feelings and ignore the apple you will always make the right choice and find that path that leads to love. Love doesn’t just fill one of your desires if fills all of your desires and that’s the difference between love and other senses that seem the same but are false readings. I failed in my first marriage attempt. But did make the wisest choice of my life by finding love rather then its imitation. Love and its rivial are similar in many ways and without the proper guidance making the wrong choice always seems right when you make it. But time always reveals fools gold which isn’t worth a plug nickel and wont deliver the joy that true love will bring.

Close Your Eyes & Just Feel

If your facing love and wondering if it’s the real thing, heres what you should do. Close your eyes and just pay attention to what your feeling and not what your hoping you have. Love is like a walk in the moon light, it doesn’t need the fan fare of a traveling circus. Its just what it is and that is love and love is the thought that dreams are made of and last a life time. That’s how I feel and Im sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Arbron