Tuesday

Being Mute in Marriage Sometimes Shows Love




Some Words are Best Left Alone


At a recent family reunion it became crystal clear to me that some concerns between happily married people should be left alone. And I say this because each member of a happy marriage has their own way of dealing with certain issues going on with them. And couples should realize that were all different and because of that we handle things differently. So bear in mind some issues should be left with your partner to handle on their own and in their own way.

Sometimes Your Help Isn't Needed

Sometimes the best advice is giving no advice at all. Sure that’s hard to do but guess what if you keep you mouth shut then your words not spoken wont bite you in the butt later. I think we all have warning drums that pound in our head when we about to share our two cents when the drums are telling us to back off and leave the room till the thought of sharing your advise leaves your brain. The drums are there for a reason and that reason is to pay attention to what your about to say and then don’t say it.

No Strings

Sometimes loving couples just don’t agree and when that happens love should prevail and mind your own business should be the business of the day. There is no one in my life that I love more then my wife, but that love doesn’t give me the right to constantly try to invade her thinking and impose my thoughts on her. I love her enough to realize that love sometimes works best when it left alone. So as much as it sometimes bothers me and I keep my opinion to myself and just share my love with her. That’s the best that I can offer and she because I love her and she deserves my love with no strings attached to it.

Love & Say Nothing

Sometimes love is enough and when that happens I clam up and just hug when appropriate. Sometime love travels best when its silent.


Don L. Terrill

photo by Jan Tik

Sunday

Marriage Requires Love




Both Our Parents Walked Away

Marriage was going to give me, what my birth mother and father cheated me out of, a family. My Father enjoyed my Mother long enough to produce two sons. My brother Ron was first and I came one year later. I have no recollection of my mother in my early years, she like my Father walked away and never looked back. Years later my brother and I peddled our bikes to a country location where she supposedly lived. On our first visit we were too shy to knock. On are second visit we saw her hanging up things on the clothesline. Finally we generated enough courage and knocked on the door. She knew who we were and gave us cookies and something to drink. She was living in a small trailer and had one more child and one on the way. You would have though after all this time she would have hugged us or something? Funny what we remember when we think of something. There was no third visit because we never went back. I guess she wasn’t what we were looking for.

I lived in a Pretend World

I remember walking the streets at night and seeing families through there windows and thinking how wonderful it would be to have a family and experience what appeared to be a good thing.

Mother Gave Up & Gave Us Away

Finally when no other options were available my Mother took us in and tried to be integrate us into her second family. It failed and we ended up in a detention facility. From there two people chose me and they wanted to adopt me. And I eventually by hook and crook managed to get through High school. While I was finishing my last year I turned twenty-one and became very popular with my classmates. Booze wise that is. Then I found Peggy and we thought we could fix each other by getting married. It lasted just long enough to produce two incredible boys and then we divorced.


We Were Looking But Didnt Find it


I can’t speak for Peggy’s intentions though I probably can speculate. I think she like me was trying to find love like I was. Unfortunately we didn’t find it with each other.

My Next I Do Was For Love

Twenty years later I found the love of my life and I asked her to marry me for all the right reasons. Number one reason was because I was in love with her and she was in love with me. A friend of each of us both brought us together and it was love at first sight for me. When we first meet I experienced this incredible feeling of well being. In time cupid’s arrow found its mark and love took over my heart and every fiber of my being. So for the first time in my life I knew what true love was and I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes and the dreams of my childhood came true. So take it from one who knows, marriage will only work when love is the driving force that brings you together. So don’t rush, just pay attention to your feelings and they will guide you to the altar. That’s my feeling and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by journeyguy

Tuesday

That’s Woman’s Work




That's What Bill Thinks


We have a friend who married for the first time and then eleven months later a boy child showed up. Now most men I know have gone through the child rearing thing and they all did their part of looking after the children in question. Bill seems to think that raising children is the sole duty of the female and his only contribution is to offer up the sperm. Now he’s currently getting away with this reckless behavior but doom is just about to knock on the door and if he doesn’t answer I have the impression that sleeping alone is going to be his reward for not taking his turn at raising the child.

Child Rearing is an Act of Love

I have always been of he opinion that child rearing is the responsibility of both parents and each must consume some of the work. Everyone gains from this kind of approach I’m talking about. Having a child and never changing a diaper or not to have bathed your child just to mention two functions is total stupidity from my point of view. The real joy of being a parent is participation in all aspects of child development and it is through this process that we bond with the children of our making. Failing to bond completely leaves a void in the relationship and fails to produce the results parents are hoping to achieve.

Stone Age Thinking

And thinking this raising process should be limited to the female is totally from the stone age when women were dragged by their hair to the cave and produced children all by themselves. I don’t think it worked well then and certainly doesn’t in this day and age of enlightenment. Women and men are from my humble point of view equal in every sense of the word. Yes only women can produce but that’s the only difference and after that equality is the prevailing word, which means all, must share in the production of children and when that happens children produce better emotional wellness then just being raised by one parent only.

True Success Requires Helping

Leaving child raising to one partner is wrong in every respect and will produce results not favorable to the parent who thinks that’s woman work. This thinking is closed minded and wont work well in the marriage connection. So do your part and enjoy the rewards of being a participating parent. My view and I hope you get it.

Don L. Terrill

photo by wayfaring stranger

Sunday

Marriage is about Love and Compromise




Keep Things Even

Everyday people who love each other negotiate their wellness together and it’s like the easiest thing in the world to do. Yes we all want things in life but a good marriage keeps the score board even for both parties involved. Its like wandering through life one day at a time and every other day belongs to the other person in the relationship. Maybe today I select things or action to take and then tomorrow it’s your turn to be in the drivers seat. Oh it doesn’t really work out that plainly but each get an equal share of the pie of life. That’s how a loving marriage works.

We Each Expect & Receive

Sometimes it seems like I’m getting all the attention and my love is the silent member of our marriage. But in time if your keeping score you will discover with amazement how the whole thing balances out and each member of the marriage gets their fair share.

Love is About Balance

A loving marriage is like a like a tight robe balancing act in the circus. Its sometimes scary and frequently someone will fall in the safety net and the net is your partner for life catching you. And its all so natural that the faller and catcher don’t even pay attention to what part their playing in the balancing act.

Its All About Love

Every minute of everyday I feel the presence of my love and enjoy the comfort that feeling produces in my brain. I sometimes just for a moment remember being without her and that remembering gives me comfort in knowing what I have chosen well. I look around in those that I know and wonder how many lack the value of love in their life. I guess that’s why I’m constantly preaching the value of love in a relationship, because without it your not getting the true value of what life has to offer. So if you’re reading my words please listen to what they are telling you. The true measure of life is gauged by the love that exits in your life. Thus if marriage is to be true to the word, love must be the cement that holds you together. That’s my view and the view is all about love.


Don L. Terrill

photo by notredamer

Saturday

Wendy Found the One for Her




My First Friend


I met Wendy for the first time at the car wash. She was twice my age and worked all the positions available. I asked her for a job the first day I arrived in Long Beach California. She allowed me to leave my name and number where I could be reached. The next day I started working. It was hard work but they paid daily and that sure worked out well for me.

We Enjoyed Being Together

After about two weeks the owner invited all employees out for dinner at his brothers eatery, which served Italian food. We were a weird looking group but all had fun and definitely enjoyed the free food. Wendy sat next to me and in time eating together became a regular thing. We weren’t dating material for each other but friendship certainly was knocking on the door. We often talked about finding that special person but decided to cling together till the right person came along for each of us. Our arrangement wasn’t sexual; we just liked being around each other. Today looking back on this time in my life I am glad to proclaim her my first true friend. I would love to see her again.

I Made a Connection For Her

While eating one day Wendy pointed out a person sitting at the next table to us. She said I would sure like to meet him. Then she got up and went to the bathroom. While gone I said hi to the man and asked if he would like to meet my eating companion. He quickly said yes. When Wendy returned I said the gentlemen would like to meet you. She blushed when I motioned for him to come over. They meet and became instantly connected at the hip. I’m sorry to say I lost my eating companion, but it was great to see her smile all the time. They dated for a couple months and then he popped the word and she said yes. I didn’t attend the wedding because I moved to a different state. I hope and pray they followed through and found love together.

Just Ask

See how easy it is, just ask your friends or acquaintances to help make a love connection for you. I’m sure like me they would be glad to make it happen for you. After all that’s what friends are for.


Don L. Terrill

photo by Omar Omar

Friday

Love & Religion Aren’t the Same Thing




Love is the True Message


I see religions beginning as a positive presentation of love and how it should help mold your life. Jesus as I recall said love thy neighbor as thyself. To me this was a message from the beginning of the universe and the word love was the word to be followed. But life being what it is chose to view it in a different light. And the light of thought produced a way to control the human race and thus serve the few and the rest just pulled the wagon.

Keep An Open Mind

Now don’t start throwing stones at me and proclaim my thoughts the opposite of the church and its teachings. I truly believe that religion intended to produce good works but went astray and has never returned to the teachings of he that breached that love was the word and that was the last word.

Love Attracts Love

So here’s the point I’m trying to make. If marriage is in your mind and you’re of a mind to join hands and say I do then may I inject a positive thought to you? See religion for what it is but stay the course and let love lead you to the one that loves you. And of course that requires that love in you be free to select love in another. When love meets love the most powerful force in the universe will connect the two parties in a way that will never change for the rest of their lives.

Let Your feelings Show You the Way

Making this connection requires that both parties allow their feelings to take over and make the decision to join together and live the best lives two people can have together. But it won’t happen if you allow the course of religion to control your feelings and make the decision for you.

Heart to Heart Requires Love

Remember that Religion is Religion and love is love. But they seem to be the same but they aren’t. When it comes to making a marriage of love, love is the main ingredient and if you don’t follow love your marriage will just be two souls sharing their lives but not their hearts.

That’s my opinion and love is the magic that holds my heart close to the one that loves me and I her.


Don L. Terrill

photo by evixir

Wednesday

Being Married Doesnt Require That You Know Everything




Were Individuals

My wife and I do many things and don’t necessarily share all that information with each other. And the reason we don’t is because we each realize were individuals and we trust each other. Oh sometimes I inquire just to show myself I can and the information comes forth like the light of day every day. We don’t have secrets from each other but like I said we are separate human beings and thus we react to things from our own point of view. My wife is always telling me to forge ahead and don’t worry what I think because this is your project. And that’s the way we approach life. We love, trust and give each the space to be who they are. Yes we ask from time to time but most of the time things just flow because that’s the way we feel about being who we are.

Were Still the Same

Being married doesn’t mean life for us changes, it just means were dedicated to each other because we love each other. The same day she said yes we sat down and mapped out the plan how we wanted things to be after saying we do. I Choice not to be a parent and thus left that obligation to her when things required attention concerning her two sons. We both wanted to maintain our own accounts and each agreed to pay obligations on a fifty fifty basis. I choose to move in with her and she agreed. She had a house, a two-car garage and central air. How could I say no to that. She had only one bath I installed another and so that journey went before the I dos were administered. We also very much wanted to remain having our normal routines and continue meeting other people in our lives before getting married. And that included both men and women. For me it meant seeing people at my Elks Lodge and other situations like that. In other words we both had friends and etc we wanted to continue seeing because that was important to each of us.

Talk First & Live Happily Ever After

We discovered having these conversations and making these decisions before marriage was an easy thing to do and made us both feel good about getting together and understanding how things would flow between us. We both felt that solving problems needed to be done before the I dos and if they couldn’t that’s the time to reconsider not getting married in the first place.

Solve It or Leave It

Our love is as strong today as the day we said our dos. We didn’t have problems because we solved everything in advance. May I suggest the same for you? Remember if you cant solve it now, what makes you think you can later.


Don L. Terrill

photo by compujeramey

Always Support Your Partner




Always Support Your Partner

A good spousal provider will always be there for the one they love and I mean all the time. Sometimes your life partner will experience depression like I did and dealing with this kind of condition can be extremely challenging for the one trying to help the one having the emotional and physical situation that often show up when depressed people have their toughest time. My wife God love her didn’t waiver one inch when I tried to commit suicide; which believe me was the furthest thought from my normal thinking.

It Caught Me Unprepared

I know the signs now and take evasive action to make sure they never invade my emotion space ever again. But the first time blind-sided me and that lack of knowledge almost gave me a fast tract to the graveyard. Yes I make jokes about it now but during that small space of time the wheels were off the wagon and only the presence of my wife did I find the light of day again.

Hi Cutie

I pretty much remember the time up and including trying to take my life then I apparently shut down and no one could get a reasonable response from me. That was until my wife walk into the room that was confining me and then like a miracle I said hi Cutie and then the doctor with her said I cant believe what I’m seeing, minutes ago I tried to converse with your husband and he didn’t even show eye movement. That’s what I call the power of love. I saw her and she saved me from my hell.

Love Will Save You

Before and since then she has never once stopped aiding me in my emotional path back to wellness. Most others would have run for their life and left me dealing with my problem alone. This behavior truly represents the presence of love and what it can do for a loving relationship. For me it’s the proof of the pudding. The thing that holds couples together is love and anything else is just a temporary patch that won’t hold up to the test of time. Take my advice and find love first and then say I do. Then and only then will the I do stand the test of time. My thought and I hope your listening.


Don L. Terrill

photo by Eggybird

Monday

Marriage Sometimes Requires a Ten Count




Always Count First


Scotty at the time of making this quote had just reached the young age of one hundred and he didn’t look a day over forty. And here’s what he told me. It’s easier to count to ten then trying to get your foot out of your mouth all the time. In other words its smarter to not say something then trying to take it back when you do. Even today I still catch myself about to say something and just in time realize that those words had I spoken them would have hurt both me and the person I spoke them to. And boy am I grateful to that hidden voice in my head that tells me to bite my tongue and just stand mute for a moment while my good sense takes over the situation facing me.

His Tears Revealed His Feelings

Scotties wife stopped living when she was eighty-six. Whenever he spoke of her I noticed a slight presence of moisture in his eyes. He told me talking to her first thing in the morning and just before going to sleep always made him feel close to her and feel warm inside.

Its Hard to Talk with Your Foot in Your Mouth

Scotty always hung around with his life long friend Mark who never walked the walk and said I do and meant it. Mark was 360 degrees different from Scotty. Mark unlike Scotty always had or was about to insert his foot in his mouth all the time. Mark was currently engaged to his sixth soon to be wife. According to Scotty Mark never learned the fine art of keeping his mouth under control and because of that he was always trying to undo some words that recently exited his over zealous mouth. But they were friends and I’m sure even death didn’t change that friendship.

Learning is Better Then Digging

The Lesson I learned from both these men is that keeping your mouth under control is much wiser then always trying to dig your way out of the hole your mouth created. That’s my feeling and I sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill

photo by PDR

Sunday

Never Leave Issues Unsettled




I Always Fix Problems Before the Cement Sets

My Wife and I have that special relationship that’s totally consumed by love and in other to keep this wellness going as I like it making amends and fixing something that generally exited my mouth is always a high priority thing for me to fix. I can’t stand to have my wife upset with something I said or did. So I beg and humble myself till my parole is granted and I’m a free person again. And I’m going to be one hundred percent honest with you. When she’s upset with me I’m a total wreck and cant put two sticks together till wellness is restored in my mind.

My Wife is a Forgiver

I can’t begin to tell you what a lucky person I am. My lovely wife like all of us gets upset and voices her concerns, but unlike most, her forgiving nature kicks in and in short time I’m forgiven for my transgressions and all is well in the kingdom.

Never Lets Him Off the Hook

One of my Elks Brothers would die to have a partner like mine. His wife and rightly so, because he’s a hands grabbing and groping person. And I have know doubt that his behavior has produced unfaithfulness on his part. Because of this she at least via my observation has never given him, an I forgive you response. But in all fairness why should she because even she knows he has a girl friend only four miles from their home. Why she stays with him never ceases to baffle me.

I'm Sorry Works Wonders

But hopefully most marriages are not like this and have hope of being what they should be, fun loving marriages that produce emotional wellness for both parties involved. So when things good, get bad fix the problem by whatever remedies that are at your disposal and then always remember how that time felt and from here on and play the part that produces those incredible feelings you both share between each other.

Keep Yours Feelings in Good Working Order

Issues left to smolder only hurt and grow bigger in time. To prevent this prompt action of I’m sorry generally produces the results I'm looking for. Always remember eating a little crow is always better then sleeping in the spare bedroom. That’s why caring for my feelings is so important to me.


Don L. Terrill

Photo by inkiboo

Friday

Always Consult When Spending More Than Usual




He Had All the Toys

My neighbor is the proud owner of just about everything a man needs to maintain his manhood. Including but not limited to boats, cars, swimming pool, golf cart, motorcycle and etc. His wife so I’m told is proclaiming her womanhood and demanding that he equal the playing field and sell most of this stuff. Mainly for the purpose of lowering their credit card bill. But Jerry not his real name is not only not removing items but he is still adding items to the yard storage area.

Travel Trailer

Currently his wife is loading her husband’s clothes, guns and toys in the travel trailer, which arrived about one month ago with the promise that he was going to fix it up and sell for a profit to help satisfy the card monster. Jerry has the best of intentions but seldom delivers on his promises. I have the strangest feeling that he will soon be sharing the trailer with his clothes.

An Eye Opening Letter from Her Lawyer

Yes Jerry is an over doing person who likes to buy things and for him that’s a good thing. But whats good for him isn’t good for his wife. If moving to the trailer doesn’t do the trick I truly believe a notarized copy from her lawyer will catch Jerry’s eye.

Sledge Hammer Delivered the Message

Many moons ago I worked with a similar person like Jerry and saw first hand the ugliness of divorce and what it does to the person being divorced. Like Jerry my friend didn’t get the message till he came home one day and found everything he owned smashed with a sledge hammer. Which included a mint condition 1957 Chevy which he restored one bolt at a time. His wife also posted their divorce papers on the front door. She then entered the witness protection system because she knew hell was coming after her and being delivered by her soon to be x husband.

I guess from her perspective it was justified and he deserved it. But I have a hunch a better conclusion could have been achieved.

Talk & Agree First

Its better to discuss future purchases and agree on same before spending the hard work of both parties. I love toys but I love my wife more. That’s my thought for the day.


Don L. Terrill

photo by johnnrosenomads

Thursday

Share Driving When You’re Together




Ridding Brings Partners Closer

This probably doesn’t rank high on the list of things you want to do to keep the marriage well cared for. But guess what? We all like ridding and just enjoy the view. Actually according to a recent study ridding rather then driving is emotionally good for us. One it takes our attention off things that are backing up in our brain and causing us to take more anti acid pills then usual. It according to the study lets our vision take over and make observations that would have never gained our attention because were always driving.

Small Rides are Great Emotional Lifters

Driving and just being a passenger is always good for me. I have always been a person who enjoys taking small rides; I guess thats why I’m constantly suggesting eating out. Its good for me and I know it.

Rides Relieve the Tension

There is also good evidence to believe that ridding and not driving is a great way to lower the tension in ones life. Before moving to the south my wife and I used to drive almost every week to a town called South Bend. The home of the fighting Irish. We drove there because we had few choices to eat at in the small town we lived in. But in all fairness I truly believe we both enjoyed the ride as much as we enjoyed the food.

It Forces Conversation & Finds Solutions

Ridding in the car has another great benefit its makes a couple a captive audience and forces conversation that might other wise not happen. I have always felt that taking rides with your mate is good for the relationship it allows conversation on any and all suggests and through this process ill will is removed and new understanding dwells between the two parties. I think my wife and I fix or mend most of the problems that enter and interfere with the wellness we feel for each other. Yes it consumes gas but its still cheaper then seeing a head doctor. So when something comes between you and your love may I suggest taking a ride for a dish of ice cream and in the process bring up the ill will and put it to rest by talking. That’s my thought for the day.


Don L. Terrill

photo by rileyroxx

Wednesday

Get Dressed Everyday & Make the Bed




Make the Bed


I’m constantly amazed how many married couples don’t rise in the morning and dress appropriately and make the bed. Sure they dress accordingly for work but when work is over or when their not working they hang around in what ever and even avoid good hygiene habits. And the sadness of it all is that most of them truly had that special connection and really loved each other. But neglecting yourself is not only bad for you but it is bad for your partner to observe.

Caring for Yourself, Shows You Care

If you don’t have enough pride to take care for yourself imagine what image you portray to your counter part. All of us need to constantly promote our own well being but also pass that wellness to our partner.

Trash Hurts

Life already showers most relationships with enough difficulty to over come and adding more stuff to the pile only tilts the relationship, like the Titanic deeper into the ibis. And in time the trash over whelms the relationship and both parties of the togetherness jump ship in the hope of finding love with someone else. And then if changes aren’t made in their new togetherness then old habits will knock on the door and maybe they will do the whole thing over again and then finding someone else will be required to try again and make the next marriage better then the last.

Keep the Keeping Going

There is know doubt in my mind that keeping up on keeping up is good for us emotionally and physically. Letting maintenance of ones self go because were too something is the first crack in the cement that holds us together. And then we start to see ourselves in different ways and we wonder what happened to the wellness that held us together. And then one day while were not looking our partner for life finds in someone else what they used to adore about us. And then with little effort we select another and then the journey starts all over again.

And all because we neglected to keep, keeping up. That’s my version and I live by it.


Don L. Terrill

Photo by wnorrix

Tuesday

Your Marriage Path Should Always Lead Back to You




Paths Require Just You

Encourage your life partner to follow the path that shows them being themselves. Next to love I believe that being yourself is the second most important ingredient in the marriage stew. And why we feel being married makes us a couple rather then individuals has always been a puzzlement to me. Know matter what we do in life whether were a singular entity or a couple the goal of life is always to be yourself. I know that runs down the path of thinking that your being selfish and don’t want to share yourself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Know matter what path we choose the only person we can be is our self. To be otherwise is to go against the forces of the universe and that always produces pictures that don’t match up with you and who you are.

Being Yourself is Right On

Joining hands, sharing rings and sharing the same bed is a life filled with all the rewards of wellness, but only to those who understand that being yourself is the greatest requirement next to love and for me love equals the creator of the universe. So Love is first and being yourself is second. So when you find love you now have the biggest slice of the pie and being yourself is the next largest piece.

Individuals Never Become One

And for marriage to work correctly each must love the other and then give each the power of being themselves by getting out of the way and letting their partner be the person that they are.

Each Helped the Other Become Who They Are

In my younger years I spent a small amount of time enjoying the fair state of California. Where the days were warm and the nights were always cooler making sleep a better thing for everyone. While there I met this incredible young couple who knew that being individuals was a necessity for their marriage to work. She worked while he finished college, then he worked while she finished becoming a doctor. They unknowingly knew and practiced the value of being individuals and letting each grow in their own way.

Understanding the Universe

So if your contemplating joining rings and saying I do make sure you understand that being yourself is one of rules of the universe and must be obeyed or togetherness will not prosper and failure will prevail. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill

photo by herschel_rubinstein