Monday

Children Must Leave the Nest




Still Want to Control

It is human to share your thoughts, that’s what people do. And it’s a natural and normal thing to do. But sometimes this sharing process turns sour like milk in the refrigerator and the thoughts given are tainted with an agenda of a parent, whose not willing to let go of there parental responsibilities.

Letting Go Is Hard

In the first stages of being married couples are still under the influence of those who created them or played a part in making each new married person who they are today. And if they did their part successfully they should be proud of their accomplishment and move on to new adventures. But letting go of their children is not an easy thing to do.

Distance Is Important

I sometimes wonder that maybe newly married persons might be well advised to leave the nest of there youth and wander to a far away place and start their new family. Away from the influences of those who raised them. Maybe having too many options is not a good thing at the start of a new partnership. When couples have challenges maybe they would better serve their own interest by solving there problems on there own; without seeking council from those who would eagerly open there door and give there old bedroom back to them. Going home should never be option one. Option one must always be, lets hang in there and see if understanding and cooperation can prevail; then clearer heads will win out.

Your Path Should Only Lead to Your House

Your parents have played their part, now you who have coupled up, must now find the path that works best for you. There is no right path for all people there are just paths and each must find the one that works of them. When you’re coupled up correctly your path will always lead to your home and not the one of your youth. Knowing the right path to use, is the first step in realizing that a successful path is always going forward, because that’s your path to your future.

Mother Held On Because She Enjoyed Being a Parent

My parents especially my Mother found letting go a thing she didn’t want to do or maybe she did it so long; like all Mothers and she didn’t know how to stop, being a Mother and making the natural conversion to a Grand Mother. Like my Mother many Mothers find this change and new word a hard thing to swallow; maybe that’s why other words have been created to make the transition easier, like the word Nana. Nana yes that seems to work better, I know this because I’m a Papa and that works better for me. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by mikebaird

Saturday

Intimacy Generates Happiness




Its Wellness Over Whelms You

It’s a wonderful way for people, that are in love with each other, to communicate that level of love they feel for each other, in such an incredible way. And not only does it produce that sexual high thing, its also is a healthy thing for us to do. It forces us to excise and were not watching the clock like we do when exercising other ways. I mean I don’t know about you but for me I’m totally into the high and don’t need a tv to watch while I’m exercising this way. And we also benefit from getting relaxed and also from the chemical brain stuff that makes us feel so much better.

Sex is a Good Experience So Don't Be Shy About it

Sex talk is a touchy subject for many people and it’s primarily caused by how we have viewed life and what's happened to us. Then throw religion into the mix and boy it can really get quite complicated. But it has always been my contention that sex is a good thing and should be enjoyed for as long as it’s possible for you. And for me it’s a one-man one-woman thing and that’s never going change for me. For us sex is a product of our love and loveless sex will never work for us.

It Wont Add to Your Tonnage

If your concerned about all the bad stuff like fat, weight, cholesterol etc today, you might want to reevaluate your thinking about sex and the benefits it affords us all. If your thinking is right then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be increasing your consumption of sex. I mean after all sex is the number one therapy for the mind and the body. And then throw in a sip of wine, music and the gentle breeze of the ceiling fan and wha la you got it all. And its fat free and you don’t need to get your liver checked every three months.

Sex Is Like Going to the Bathroom Its a Normal Thing to Do

I was reluctant to write on this subject because my wife and I see sex as a private thing and shouldn’t be shared with others. Which I have skillfully avoided doing while writing this article.

It A Special Reward for Being In Love

Since our creator made the mold I’m of the opinion that using same was the reward we receive when love is the cement that holds us together. That’s my feeling and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill

photo by paparutzi

Thursday

An X Experience Can Help You





X Factor

If you have already acquired one or more of the X factors in your life then I’m sure you have already felt the uneasiness that vision conjures up in your mind, when you give it thought.

Xs Can Help or Hurt You

In the scheme of things you’re not alone. More people have Xs then don’t. So if you don’t have one now, stop grinning because statistics favor your having one or more in the future. So whether you do or don’t, we all need to understand this X factor and get more informed about it and learn the tricks of dodging the bullets of togetherness. Now I’m not Mr. know it all but I have felt the bullets and paid the price for not learning to bob and weave when there heading in my direction. Even 007 has felt the sting of outrageous misfortune by being in the wrong place at the right time and not learning from his experiences. But alas that’s what Xs are, pieces of experiences that are learning tools to creating a better future for ourselves and those close to us.

X-ing A Marriage Can Make You Feel Better in the Future

Today the new person that I am I view my first attempt at marriage as not as a failure, but rather an event to learn from and grow wiser because of it. Now during my first marriage and the subsequent divorce I acted in ways and did things I’m not exactly proud of the part I played, but that was then and this is now. Hindsight always brings more clarity then when it happened. But I have truly learned the don’t do’s and why waiting for the right person saves mountains of heartache and no one in the right mind needs to experience that kind of pain over and over again. Which begs the question? Why aren’t people learning enough stuff from there first failure to do it right the next time? Would it be fair to say there not paying attention to their mistakes and learning from them? Yes that would be a fair observation. So why don’t they? Here’s what the wisdom of my mind is telling me. I think are number one dysfunctional thinking is this. We find what are mind tells is the person for us. Then we slam and lock the door to our good thinking room. We do this because we want it to be so and refuse to discuss this decision with our mind. So with a closed mind and ear muffs on we forge ahead and make it all work by ignoring the truth by just believing in the crystal ball that only shows what we want to happen and not the truth.

Mendacity

Then the smell of mendacity fills our nostrils (the word mendacity is a notable thought from Burl Ives in the movie Cat on the Tin Roof) and for those who are not familiar with the saying, it means to lie or create a falsehood. In my usage I’m suggest we are not being honest with ourselves all the time.

An Open Mind is a Helpful Tool

Now on the subject of selecting and say will you marry me, I think not only should we open the door we better dam well open the windows too. Because according to the stats we need more oxygen to clear are thinking and make us realize that the only way to select a mate is by getting out of the box and viewing it for what it really is. And that means take off the shades to. Nothing in my humble option is going to impact on your life more negatively then having a closed mind when you chose your mate. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by oli23000

Tuesday

Is Work Comsuming All Your Time?




Don't Let Work Be Your Life

If I’m not careful I think I might become a victim of this want or need to work all the time. Even now in my beginning stages of getting involved in a new way of doing I find myself questioning myself and am trying to maintain the things I have always liked to do and still move ahead with this new project. I kind of now understand the challenge of those who master the achievement and still keep time for all the others things of life. Even now I’m starting to feel that I’m neglecting the love of my life. Our time together has always been the primary issue in my life. But progress and achievements consume time and there’s only twenty-four hours in a day.

Don't Bring Work Home, Even If You Work at Home

Now here’s a little bit of information about a family member whom I haven’t really got to know but admire his desire to achieve and do well for his family. Bob is my stepbrother we share a Mother by birth in common. Bob like me felt the sting of a faulty upbringing, but that didn’t stop him from learning a trade and providing well for his family. But like me Bob over indulgences and one on his is working all the time. I think Bob would qualify for the title of being a workaholic. Am I crazy? does this word imply that alcohol plays a part in creating this situation? No it doesn’t in Bob’s case, because that would require using more time and time is in short supply in his life. Now here’s how Bob qualifies for this designation or certification depending on how you’re looking at it. One he has a full time job as tool and die specialist, works in his shop at night doing same for others creating new innovations and he and his lovely wife are building a beautiful two story country home.

Remember Whats Important & Its Not Just Work

Bob like all of us who cares about being partners and parents do our best and then try to do better when the sun rises again. That’s the journey of a caring person and Bob and his wife qualify for this position. But all of us even with the best intentions in the world must always plan and make time for the ones we love, because after all, isn't that what life is really all about. That’s how I feel and I sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Rob!

Sunday

Marriage Makes You Number One




Marriage Makes Both Equal

Successfully married people have learned the art of changing their priorities. Its kind of like taking a real good look at yourself and realize that love, when it’s the real thing, demands that each party must make each other the two most important people in there life. And this thinking applies to everything and all other persons that are in their area of influence. Yes your joining of hands and maybe children will seem easy at least until the ink dries on the commitment paper. Have you ever paid close attention to the word commitment? Sometimes that word could mean your entering a padded room or making a promise to hang in there. Either way both require effort and a clear understanding and whose who on the ladder of importance.

Realize

Imagine being married on the Titanic and making the cruise your honeymoon and because your rich you’ll bring along all your family members, friends and all other people you know. And eating at the Captains table every night, dancing, drinking champagne and conversing with some of the richest people in American. And you would be waited on, hand and foot and enjoyed all the things that money could buy. Then like the late night phone call passengers felt a momentary stirring in the vessel and that's when everyone learned how important they were, in the ship called the Titanic.

Pay Attention

The Captain of the ship in his eagerness to reach his destination over shadowed the need to take extra care to avoid the always dangerous ice bergs which didn’t always make there presence known by ridding high in the water. And also the Captain didn’t heed other ship communications telling of large icebergs in their area of travel.

Your Both on the Same Side

Then the impossible happened and the ship hit an iceberg and started filling up one section at a time. And slowly the boat lowered itself in the water. First you and the other first class passengers would be told what to do and where to proceed. Soon all people on the Titanic would be warned and told to gather on the main deck and wait for the opportunity to join others in the lifeboats.

Whose Important

Now this is one of those moments when all thinking finds the important people in their life and those most important will be seated in the life boat and you if you’re a man probably wont be able to join them.

It Takes Hurt to Help

It’s a sad thing, when it takes this kind of tragedy to awaken the knowledge of who is really important in your life and the level of importance they have.

Ladder

No I don’t want anyone to experience this horror or anything close to it. But somehow we must all realize the importance of the people in our life and the status they hold on the ladder of importance in our life.

I Know Mine Do You?

And here’s my take on the priority ladder thing, I know the important people in my life and know who to side with, when shove comes to push. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Brent and MariLynn

Wednesday

Moderation Makes Love Work Better




Everyone Was Required to View the Do List

I used to be a quality control inspector at a nuclear plant. The company that I worked for had about fifty people working for them at the time. When you entered are main office location there was a large cork bulletin board and everyone was required to read notices each day. And most stuff was required notices from the government or the company itself giving us boring do's and don’t on the job stuff.

A Need to Clean

But every once in awhile, personal stuff would get posted. On this particular day our immediate supervisor was planning a back yard party for all of his peasants. And like all good ass kissers we would all attend. But no one really wanted to attend. Now don’t get me wrong the boss was a nice guy and normally acted in a rational way. But there was one exception to this rule. Her unofficial name was the clean freak and she weekly inspected our work environment and created a to do list that filtered through her husband are boss to us peasants and was officially signed by him. Now we had a laborer person, that’s a union job title and that person or persons would take care of the cleaning etc. But the do list was never given to the laborers, because the union wouldn’t let them do that kind of stuff on the list, without a special work order request and that meant my company had to pay additional monies to have it taken care of. The Boss knew this, but still tried to appease his wife for reasons that weren’t clear to us.

His Wife Carried the Biggest Stick

But he didn’t have the cahonas to say no to his wife, so he unofficially passed this nonsense off to us. Like cleaning up are desk, patching are chair and fixing a can't hardly hear squeak in the door. Now I’m sure everyone considered saying no way ho say. But we all knew the dark side of the boss and that was the Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing. If we as a group didn’t make it happen, those personally responsible and he selected the slackers and they would receive assignments like climbing up a metal latter which went straight up and you'd be required to also pack up fifty or more pounds of equipment needed to do your inspection requirements. Under normal conditions you would be allowed to use the crane operator assistance and just hop a ride up like going in an elevator. But alas this option was unavailable when the boss was my Jekyll.

Job Security Motivated Our Behavior

So you can now understand why all the employees attended the Yard Parties and acted accordingly. She the do list creator would work through the party and played the part of General Patton at the battle of the Bulge. If you made a mess or screwed up something you dam well better fix it. No hardened veterans of the group would explain this process to a newbie because we wanted them to experience the apprentice program like we did. So when a newbie smoked and stepped on same in the lawn. Soon General Patton would discover this infraction and requested the name of the do er.

Moderation is a Better Approach

I realize this isn’t the norm in life but it does go to a point of thinking. Any behavior that interfers with the natural flow of good feelings from one another, should be discussed, modified and or just totally scraped, because harmony must be the primary objective of those couples wishing to avoid the pitfalls that lead to negative conclusions that only see one option on the horizon. So please for the sake your sanity and that of your family, take charge and make wellness the goal of your marriage. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by ilkerender

Monday

Stop Complaining




Why Be a Fault Finder

I met Samantha while enjoying a beer at a local eat and drink place. The bar was two story building and older then dirt. And it had a modest problem with critters of the roach variety but no one seemed to mind the occasional there one goes running across the mirrors behind the bar. The bar if measured in running feet was probably seventy-five feet in length. It was like a miniature train track set up and just followed the contour of the wall. When you walked in the front entrance door you had three-door opening choices right was the poolroom, straight ahead, eating area and left was the bar. When I first started going to the place I always entered stage left and jumped the first bar stool available. But little did I know that this area was affectionately referred to as the battlefield and like the name implied most confrontations of a physical and verbal nature occurred via one of the first twelve seating locations.

Working Together is Tough

Samantha and her forever boyfriend worked in the bar. He was a bartender, generally working the battlefield and she was a waitress. Both always seemed to be in the bar whether working or being a customer. They both also lived in there own room on the second floor, which was designated as a boarding room area. Each one of theses rooms included a mailbox, which was located in a row, and you observe them when entering via the front entrance.

She Was Always Finding Fault

Samantha was always finding fault with her boyfriend and she was like a dog hound on the scent of a fox. And her methods of communicating this default stuff varied from time to time. It was so routine and noticeable that regular patrons like I became used to it and in unison mimic like kids the words and gestures she would use. It was kind of like being at a major league baseball game and certain fans would boo at the same time. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Now remember she always-found fault and he rightly or wrongly was the guilty party. Here’s one or two examples I would like to share with you. Here’s set up one, he was sitting on the first seat close to the front entrance, she just walking out of the kitchen which was located at the back entrance of the bar. She in a loud voice shouted to a full house of patrons, where’s the tampons I asked you to get for me? All the regulars mimic her statement where’s the tampons I asked you to get for me? And then to make the point again every participating patron repeated same while exiting the bar by saying don’t forget the tampons Jake. And always the regular mimic again.

Where Were You Last Night?

Example two this time Jake was sitting at his regular stool and she walked by him and where were you last night? As usual he didn’t say a word. Those few patrons close to the encounter mimic the words loud enough for most regulars to hear the others lacking good hearing received the message via word of mouth. So whenever a regular left each walked by Jake and said where were you last night.

And Then the Floor Show Died

Then one day samantha didn’t show for work and was found deceased in her room. Jake was so devastated at her passing that he literally drank himself to death. And the bar never seemed to be the same every again. Its like they were the floor show and the show stopped being the main attraction.

Fault Finds Know Happy Place to Be

Finding fault with your mate seldom helps and always hurts both parties; the one complaining and the one receiving. So if love is your goal, stop complaining, because it’s ruining your presentation. That’s my feeling and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Elsie esq.

Unruly Childen Can Weaken a Marriage





Children Need Supervision

Children that aren’t properly supervised and trained to act in a socially acceptable way can and frequently are one of the major reasons why couples throw up there hands and seek a legal separation or a divorce. And they the couple are the reason the children are the way they are. So separating the parents doesn’t solve the root of the problem. And depending on how old the children are may also create a greater degree of difficulty to resolve the problem changing their behavior.

Children Don't Rule You Rule

The nanny person on tv is an excellent example how children should be taught and supervised. Children whether we realize it or not, want and need to be under the rules of engagement like in the army. Allow me to give you a small example of what I’m talking about. I during my single years I dated a girl who thought being her son’s friend was more important then being a parent. As I recall she indicated she read this book and it preached this thought of raising children. And it appeared via my observations that she whole hardily embraced this idea. And we connected and started casual dating for about two months. The boy was twelve and seemed to be more in charge of things then she did. And the also included no physical or emotional discipline, which from my vantage point made no sense at all. But it wasn’t my child and I have always viewed my participation in other people’s problem as a no do thing.

Child Was In Charge

So I enjoyed her company and always insisted we go somewhere like the movies etc. This was my tactic to avoid the chaos of the home environment. And for a time it worked pretty well but then came the inevitable clash of two people going in different directions. In the scheme of things we really had many things going for us and it may have developed into something had the uncontrolled child been put in his place and resumed the status of a child and also if the Mother reversed her friend concept and started being a proper acting Mother again. So friendship ruled and that ruling, ruled me out. I know that she missed what we had because numerous times I received notes which explained in broken spelled words how much she missed not having us together and even once slightly implied she might reconsider over turning her previous ruling and rule in my favor and proclaim herself a Mother again. I for a time hoped for the best but inwardly I hardly sensed the reality it might happen. So all of us were the victims of a bad idea that some stupid ignorant person wrote a book about. Beware of those, who don’t know, of what they speak. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by MShades

Friday

Thought or Gift?




What Really Counts the Thought or the Gift?

My Mothers best friend became my Aunt Evie and even today she’s still the greatest aunt in the world. My aunt’s father used to be the minister of education in Batista’s Government in Cuba and exited same when Castro took over.

She Married a Man That Could Make You a Deal You Couldn't Refuse

When she first became my aunt she was married to a tv station tech person and he had the personality of a dead fish. It was know surprise to me when she filed for divorce and snatched up a local God Father person. Now I drew this conclusion not from fact but from observations when I worked for him for a short period time right after, my first wife filled for divorce. There must have been something in the water that caused all this marriage changing stuff.

I Fixed Pin Ball Machines & Etc For Him

Her new husband lived in the best side of town and drove a bright shinny Cadillac. He had numerous businesses that involved vending machines, pool tables, pinball machines gambling activities. I think prostitution was also involved but I only skirted the edges of that activity. My primary job was to service the pool tables and the other stuff they rented out. I fixed and collected money from same all the time.

His Money Changed Her

Before my Aunt married him she was a down to earth person who pinched her pennies like the rest of us. But then the new influx of cash changed her behavior and she required the best of everything. Marsh her husband worshiped the ground she walked on and was prepared to spend his money to make her happy. But in the process he created a monster, which judged his love for her by the value of the gifts he gave her. And no matter what he brought for her she complained about how cheap he was being. In other words, if he really loved her, he’d spend more money on her. And the more he tried this thinking, the more she wanted.


He Died & The Money Dried Up


Then the whole process came to an end when he passed away and his will only left her a modest income from investments and the house she lived in. During this process of change my Aunt went thru a mental crash and recovered in a few months and returned back in time and became the wonderful person she was before.

It Really Is the Thought That Matters

The moral of the story is this. It’s not what you give that really matters, what matters is, the thought behind it. And if love’ is the behind thing, then guess what? Your one of the lucky ones, because you have all that life can give. That’s what I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Manamanah

Wednesday

A Good Marriage Will Make You Feel Good




Mother Wouldn't Budge Till the Door Opened

My Father always opened doors for my Mother even in the latter years of his life. Primarily because my Mother expected it. On very rare occasions when the taste of scotch shaded his memory, Mother would quietly stand before the door, until my Dad realized he was the only person in the car. Then like others he could have said, just this once can't you open the door for yourself? Yes Mother could have opened the door, but that would have required her to think less of herself and no way was that going to happen. Mother knew her importance in the scheme of things and she always extended that same thinking to her husband. No she didn’t open doors for him, but she did let him believe that he was the head of the family and as such, sat at the head of the table. And my Dad knew that kingship required doing certain things for his wife and on this subject he always recognized that even Kings sometime lose their head over, not paying attention to their responsibilities.

Do You Shine in Your Spouses Eyes

I obviously acquired his thinking because I’m very attentive to my wife. I know it's old fashion thinking and isn’t necessary required today. But you know what? My wife appreciates my gestures and I know this because she shows it by her actions and words that she appreciates me to. In this day and age it not hard to stand out in the crowd. And you can accomplish this by being a jackass or doing the right thing. So what would you rather have a slap in the face or a hinny grab. The grab works well for me.

Are You Promoting Your Marriage?

I am constantly observing behavior between married couples that don’t even meet my minimum standards and wouldn’t get a passing grade from me if I were there teacher. Not only wouldn’t they pass muster, they would receive a minus grade, because they go out of there way to hurt the person there sharing there life with. It’s like being nice, kind and compassionate is taking a back seat to ugliness. It was good thinking then and still works well today. Go ahead make the gesture and then notice the response. All good gestures are rewarded with kindness and isn’t kindness a breath of fresh air.

Giving Is Vital

Recently we joined the festivities of a block party and boy were the gesture of unkindness flowing there. And the intensity of the unkindness increased as the affects of the alcohol took hold. This sad behavior towards your loving companion will come back to haunt you in a later date. Yes we laugh now but our mind remembers the hurt we felt when the one we loved hurts us to the core. Always remember for every action there is a counter reaction and results of that may begin with a word that says good by. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by thebig429

Saturday

Marriage Tolerates Low Levels of Comsumption




I Enjoy Wine Just Before Bed Time

I have always been a consumer of alcohol. In my early years beer was my favorite bottle. Today with changes in my body and the concerns about my health, my bottle choice is filled with wine. I still favor beer more, but my body finds it less desirable.

The Stool Was a Cooling Comfort

I consumed my first beer in my early teens and did experience side affects that I tried to avoid in the future. But even with the best of intentions I can remember at least two occasions when I hugged my toilet stool. It served my need at that moment of time it was cold, close to the ground, didn’t complain about my state of mind and silently accepted my words of repentance. Kind of sounds like a priest and stop complaining I’m an equal opportunity religious person. I believe that all religions are equal when the main theme is love. So don’t get mad I’m just having fun and the world needs more of that.

See the Value of Small Amounts

I think drinking is a good thing but should be consumed at the right time, place and with moderation in mind.

Drinking and Walking Sometime Go Hand in Hand

My wife and I have this younger acquaintance that is being consumed by the need to drink. One time he fell asleep in the car at a stop sign and with the motor running and the lights still on. An officer of the law knocked on the window and that’s what woke him up. He failed the walking test and spent the night in jail. And his short life on this earth is spotted with this kind of behavior. And the sad part is he has a great personality and when not drinking and is highly motivated to be a success in life. But the habit of drink is standing in his way.

Don't Let Drinking be Too Important

He was one step away from having a manager ship with a nationally known company but failed to show up to work too many times. Now he’s making his way by ridding his bike and working in the eating business.

Too Much Causes Bad Choices

He’s now trying to make a come back which involves a special lady, a baby and going back to college. His parents and people like us have dried to help, but now its up to him. His only option now is himself and I think he knows that. Sometimes desperation is the last step to finding yourself or falling off the cliff. I hope this young man doesn’t choose the cliff.

A lasting marriage only survives when both parties recognize that alcohol should be fun and not the thing you live for. Drink wisely and stay together.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by surfstyle

Friday

Didnt Remember? Take One Step Towards the Basement




To Forget is Almost Unforgivable

My memory is not my best quality so I need constant back up to remember the special events of our life together. Yes I know this is more important to the ladies then it is to the men but smart men learn the dates that are special to their mate and they do there best to validate this time with special offerings which their love partner either reads, eats, smells or wears somewhere on her body. To do otherwise is to exile yourself to the dark corner of the basement and its cold and lonely there. And making corrections after the fact seldom equal the proper presentation.

Look Beyond His Failing To Remember

Now ladies don’t forget your special man, yes he has much to learn about being a loving person but he could be worse. Surely with an open mind you can find that hidden quality under the pile of all that manure he sometimes spreads around.

Men are More Like Boys, Then Boys Are

Men I think are more inclined to be boys then ladies are to be girls. Now this is not a slam on anyone in regard to this statement. It just is what it is and that’s all there is to it. Guys don’t seem to want to grow up and girls on the other hand have to. Though men are good providers they tend to relinquish most of the responsibilities of the family stuff to the spouse and then are baffled why their love mate gets frustrated with them. Men seem to gather more toys then women do and don’t have a clue that their spouse has desires to acquire toys to. Which begs a question to be asked. What toys do women want? And why shouldn’t they have toys too. From a mans point of view this toy sharing concept would be viewed as an attempt to limit his toy chest and that would produce a climate of equality. Which begs another question do women have equal rights as men? Now I’m going to crawl out on a limb and make an observation here. The highest informed person I know has informed me that women do not have the same rights as men and why is that? Could it be that men still view woman as second to them? Now I don’t know about you? But from my experience and observational skills I have slightly tilled in the direction that women are not only equal to men, but in many ways have surpassed men in their skills of understanding life better. Now that I have dug my hole of words I think Ill crawl in and cover myself with dirt. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Drake LeLane

Tuesday

Marriage Couples Need Equal Time




Stop Talking About Yourself

We are all to some degree people who talk about ourselves and in small quantities that’s not a bad thing; but and there always seems to be a but. But if ones going to be successful in life, you need to exercise restraint when putting the spot light on yourself all the time. And I’m sure you can find these people in your life, if you give it a little thought. One of our next-door neighbors in Michigan was in our opinion the number one winner for talking about herself. And it never mattered what the topic of conversation was about, from her perspective only she existed.

Couldn't Take the Focus Off Herself

During the summer months we enjoyed cooking outside and just sitting around and sharing thoughts about things and ideas we had about the future etc. Our patio configuration was located on cement and probably twenty feet from the fence that divided us and are neighbor. Even while sitting out there we would constantly hear her talking from her me position on life. Sometime when company would share our patio with us they would first hand learn the art of talking only about yourself via our neighbor. And it was so obvious we didn’t even have to point it out.

She Controlled the Conversation

I often wondered how that behavior affected her husband and two children. I never did get to know her husband and children because they hardly ever spoke a word in my presence. The only small sharing of information was when the Mother wasn’t home. All other times she was like a person who didn’t want her family members to say anything. When they worked in the yard she was the supervisor and pointed out every leave to rake and every speck of grass to mow.

Head Stone Said Me

I feel kind of bad about only pointing out her bad behavior and not the good things she did. But I’m not sure what else she thought about in life except about herself and that’s a poor wording to put on your tombstone.

Only Dying Stopped Her Voice

Then one day she developed a clot in her brain and she passed away. Only death managed to stop her from focusing all her thoughts on herself. I wish I could say we shared good conversation and learned from each other, but that wasn’t possible because the line of communication only went one way and that was from her outward. I wonder if she learned this behavior by watching someone else?

Share Talking Time

There’s a lesson to be learned here, but I think I’ll stop writing and give you a chance to talk. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by wrestlingentropy

Monday

Married or Single Which is Better?




Hands Down Marriage, If Love Rules

I once again proclaim myself an authority on this subject because I’ve experienced both singleness and togetherness. I have accumulated nineteen years of being single and a slightly shorter number being married. And the following is my observations concerning the pros and cons of being single or married. Since I have spent more time being single lets start there first. I’m judging my single time from the date of my divorce till I married again and that was roughly nineteen years. During this time I only proposed to one girl and that status only lasted about two months and failed because both of us saw the handwriting on the wall and realized almost unilaterally that I wasn’t marring material. The gesture on my part was genuine enough but didn’t carry the weight of total commitment and the girl in question who I adored discovered by my words and actions, that I wasn’t trying hard enough to make the journey to togetherness.

When Single I Never Mentioned the Word Love

All during this single phase in my life I don’t believe I ever said I love you. My loveless childhood no doubt influenced this faulty behavior. It doesn’t excuse my behavior but it certain helps to explain it.

Didn't Know What It Was

Look at it from my point of view both my childhood and first marriage produced a negative picture about love and it's no wonder I didn’t really believe love was for real. All during this time I chose to be single because I had no real experience in knowing what real love was. And it seemed to me that everyone in my area of influence wasn’t doing well with the love concept either. My adopted parents who I miss everyday were the exception to the rule and always showed their affection for each other. But alas my closed mind didn’t see the positive example they demonstrated. Sometimes I think we can get too much of a bad thing and spend the rest of our life trying to recover from it.

Blind Sided by Love

I don’t really think in my heart of hearts that I really wanted to spend the rest of my life alone, but I unknowingly chose this path because I didn’t know any better. Then one day I knocked on a door and it opened and there stood the love I have never known in my life. It was and still is the most over whelming feeling of wellness I have ever experienced in my life. In time I came to the conclusion that this was, what they referred to as being in love with someone.

Yes to Marriage If Love Rules

Now here’s my conclusion on the question is being married better the being single? Yes if your in love with the person your with. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by sugarpuss4ever