Tuesday

Marry only for Love




She Wanted More then Love

I first met Jane at social event and her husband managed a small township adjacent to our home in Michigan, where we used to live. She had a hair saloon business and I understand she was very successful at it. She seemed to be genuinely in love with her husband but always acted like she wanted more in life then what she had. Then one day out of the blue according to her x, she moved out and filed for a divorce. Her husband played the man game and acted like it didn’t matter to him and started dating other people, but never seemed to settle with anyone. I think he was really hurting and would take her back in a heartbeat; if she would just waved the flag that said lets join hearts again. It never happened and life just slowly fell apart for him.

Money Was Now Her Goal

Then one day she found what see was looking for. He had the means to give her all the treasure that money could buy. He was a millionaire many times over and demonstrated his commitment to her by buying whatever she wanted. And soon the biggest rock in town was put on her finger and I dos made her dreams come through or so she thought.


She Talked Unkind About Her New Husband


They continued to live locally and until his younger daughter graduated and headed to Paris for further education. Till then she and I would pass each other in social gatherings and she always went out of her way to show off the new trappings in her life. And also she didn’t hesitate to share her intimacies with her new husband. I remember one such comment about her husband. He was a little older then her and because of this, apparently had less agility then she did. She frequently laughed about their sex life and how funny he acted getting on an off, during the course of sexual matting.

She Found Out Money Didn't Equal Love

But he too had an agenda and she was so into herself; she didn’t have a clue what was going to happen in her future. Her new husband wasn't nearly as stupid as he appeared and was aware of her fooling around and had other ideas about changing things about her and where they were ultimately going to live. First they visited Los Vegas and planned only to stay for the winter and return to Michigan during the summer time. Then he purchased a villa enclosed by a large wall and security patrolled the grounds. Then the horror of her husband’s obsessions became crystal clear to her. He was a control freak and even according to visitors to their new home, he was changing her life style. According to these visitors, she is now having surgeries to enlarge parts and slim others area, via her husbands demands and her dreams are changing and his dreams are gaining speed.

Love is the Answer, Everything Else is Fools Gold

Beware of what you dream for, because it may not be what you really want.


Don L. Terrill

photo by fyunkie

Saturday

Lovers Don't Share Their Love with Others




True Love is Always Faithful

My computer is telling me that infidelity is an act of unfaithfulness or disloyalty, especially to a sexual partner. On this subject I have a hard time understanding how someone can profess their love and commitment to one and then do it with another. I don’t see it as a possibility in a genuine love relationship. I know how I feel about my wife and I would never under any circumstance allow that bond to be shared with anyone else.

He Violated the Love Rule

I know this person and he is affectionately called kissy face. And he frequent acts as a greeter for my Lodge and if allowed offers a slight lip contact with those ladies coming in, especially if they’re of the single persuasion. We have numerous ladies who have out lived their spouses and enjoy the affection his embraces give them. But alas kissy face has apparently done more then just being a greeter and this activity has gained him a divorce from his wife. I'm not standing in judgement I'm merely making an observation. I live and let live, how you chose to handle your life that's your responsibility and you'll get know flack for me on the subject.

Not Likely to Toe the Line

I think many couples join themselves in marriages, knowing well by there own observations and the stories of others that the soon to be mate is not likely to be a true believer and will from time to time lose their faith and fall from grace and break the agreement they signed with you. So don’t be indignant when it happens because we all know old habits are hard to break.

We All Have Motives & Some are Unfaithful

I know of what I speak but ignorance was my excuse what's yours. I married because I thought I was in love. And I'm sure my first wife felt the same way. But in hindsight I think we both had an agenda which got confused with the love thing and both seemed to be the same. I wanted a family all my life and that was my love agenda.

To Know the Real Thing is the Right Thing

Maybe fidelity would play less of a part if we the people would first find out for ourselves what true love really is and then make decisions on that new understanding. That’s my feeling and I'm sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill

photo by ansik

Thursday

Marriage is an Equal Opportunity Occupation





Ladies Are Demanding Their Equalness

I think this is more of a problem today then ever before in the history of the human race. Today many women see their opportunities just as important as their spouse. And I see and view men and women as equals in every sense of the word. I see us first humans and then separate via the other stuff. Yes it's hard to be an equal opportunity spouse but that’s were career minded women are going and no man is going to stop that train from chugging on. From my Dads time till the present there have been huge changes in the relationship between husbands and wives. The change is requiring that both parties of a couple configuration to view all options available to them and then make decisions which always allows each the same opportunities to achieve their dreams.

Love Rules

And as long as the two goals never become more important then the goal of being together, then all inducements will be greeted with a common bond of understanding, that their love is exclusive only to them and them alone.

Your Togetherness is Numero Uno

Never allow your careers to be more important then togetherness. When you are with each other let that togetherness consume the space between you and always be touching hands or just be close to each other because that recharging process each needs to fill the time there away. It’s like driving an electric car; it only works when recharging is allowed. When your recharging with each other, always speak and arrange your next moment together and always place that moment on your calendar and treat it with the same importance you would give to the President of the United States.

Always Say I Love You

When something happens and it starts to fog your feelings pick up the phone and say I love you and the echo’s of those words are returned to you, then smile in the mirror and tell yourself what's the most important thing is in your life and that will be your spouse. I know this because every day while I’m away that’s what I do and it keeps my battery charged. That’s how I feel and that works for me.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by smile4camera

Tuesday

Being Always Right Can Hurt Your Marriage




We All Make Mistakes

We all make mistakes and that’s a reality of life. Not owning up to yours can be a clog in the wheel of togetherness and that doesn’t float well in the face of good thinking.

All Seemed Well at First

My wife and I used to, before we moved to the south enjoyed the company of two locals we met while going through this wine tasting winery. The were out going and fun loving people and that messed well with are way of thinking. But after numerous get togethers we started to observe a pattern of behavior that we thought should have been discovered by them and fixed. But they seemed to be into it, but not aware of it.

He Was Never Wrong

And it really didn’t hit us because we were so over whelmed with all the great conversation, laughter and togetherness. I mean this couple was so good at playing the part that it didn’t rear its ugly face till we all started sharing more time with each other. Then we started noticing that Dave never showed any signs of ever being wrong. And it all came to a head during a wine consuming moment when out of the blue his wife said rather loudly ya ya ya your never wrong and I’m getting sick and of tired of that arrogant B.S.

Dave Showed His True Side

This kind of pushed us back because we never viewed this side of their relationship before. A few more words were shared by both and Dave stormed out yelling I’m leaving. And did indeed drive off and leave his wife with us. We all sat mute and just sipped a little wine and the then the silence was broken by the server asking us if we were ok. All said yes and that broke the ice. Marge his wife said I’m sorry that happened but Dave is a person that doesn’t see he must to be right all the time and won't ever admit he’s ever wrong. My wife and till just sipped and finely I said do you think he will be coming back? Marge said yes but not till he calls and tries to smooth things over. Normally she said after I accepted his suggesting thought that we drop the subject and just move on to making up he feels all is well and forgets the whole thing like nothing happened. But she said I'm not letting it go any more like I always have.

Dave Always Dug His Way Out

Soon her cell phone rang and apparently Dave was trying his normal way of digging himself out of the mess he was in. But his wife wasn’t buying the pitch anymore. And just said by and hit the off button. She called a friend of hers and arranged to stay the night with her. We dropped her off and never were called again for a social gathering. We weren't sure what to do, so we did nothing and then one day maybe six months later we spotted Marge at the Gulf course and said hi. She responded in kind and joined us for a coke. She must have noticed the question mark on my forehead and said they were separated and in the process of getting a divorce. She left to golf and that was that.

Know One is Right All the Time

Marriages fail for all kinds of reasons and being right all the time is just one of them. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Siyad Ma

Friday

Marriage Should Never Lead to Giving Up Yourself




Attach Your Name But Never Forget Who You Are

Marriage is the joining of two people who have decided to live together as a couple and have common goals, like having children, enjoying each other and thousands of other things that you share an interest in. Now here’s an inside thought, nowhere in the agreement of understanding you signed should say that you have to give up being who you are. If it does or even slightly implies such madness make word adjustments and if that doesn’t meet your mates thinking, move on.

And Let Your Mate Be Them self

Marriage is a wonderful arrangement and should always allow each partner to remain who they are. Because after all that’s the person your in love with and why tinker with the most important person in your life. Now if this thought doesn’t work with you or your future mate, move on.

Move On if Individuality Doesn't Exist

Yes I realize moving on is admitting you’ve made a mistake. But isn’t it better to say now, rather then waiting until all the rooms are filled with furniture and children are sitting in the chairs. Why wait just move on.

Face Reality or Reality Will Be Your Faithful Friend

Remember Custers last stand? That happened because the white eyed general wasn’t facing reality and that was a fatal mistake for him and all his men. He should have just, moved on.

Is Your Ground Holding Up

We have one residential community in are vicinity that was unfortunately build on wetlands and that one mistake is a constant struggle for all those living there. Apparently greed motivated the inspectors to sign off on the permits and cash was a motivating force making the deal work. If your request for marriage is being built on sinking ground then move on.

Marriage is About Not Loosing Yourself

I apologize for being so redundant, but the point needed to be made. So one last time, if being you, is bothering your soon to be, then move on. That’s my feeling and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Bien Stephenson

Wednesday

Returning Home Is Not the Answer




Parents Have An Agenda

It is human to share your thoughts, that’s what people do. And it’s a natural and normal thing to do. But sometimes this sharing process turns sour like milk in the refrigerator and the thoughts given are tainted with an agenda of a parent, whose not willing to let go of there parental responsibilities.

Its Hard to Stop Being A Parent

In the first stages of being married couples are still under the influence of those who created them or played a part in making each new married person who they are today. And if they did their part successfully they should be proud of their accomplishment and move on to new adventures. But letting go of their children is not an easy thing to do.

Newbies Need Distance Between Them and Their Parents

I sometimes wonder that maybe newly married persons might be well advised to leave the nest of there youth and wander to a far away place and start their new family. Away from the influences of those who raised them. Maybe having too many options is not a good thing at the start of a new partnership. When couples have challenges maybe they would better serve their own interest by solving there problems on there own; without seeking council from those who would eagerly open there door and give there old bedroom back to them. Going home should never be option one. Option one must always be, lets hang in there and see if understanding and cooperation can prevail; then clearer heads will win out.

Select the Right Course for You

Your parents have played their part, now you who have coupled up, must now find the path that works best for you. There is no right path for all people there are just paths and each must find the one that works of them. When you’re coupled up correctly your path will always lead to your home and not the one of your youth. Knowing the right path to use, is the first step in realizing that a successful path is always going forward, because that’s your path to your future.

Mother Loved Being a Mother

My parents especially my Mother found letting go a thing she didn’t want to do or maybe she did it so long; like all Mothers and she didn’t know how to stop, being a Mother and make the natural conversion to a Grand Mother. Like my Mother many Mothers find this change and new word a hard thing to swallow; maybe that’s why other words have been created to make the transition easier, like the word Nana. Nana yes that seems to work better, I know this because I’m a Papa and that works better for me. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by eNil