Sunday

Marriage Requires Listening




Learn About Your Life Partner

When we share how we feel about life, that’s how your partner learns about what's important to you. And that information is helpful in doing things that work for both of you. Maybe the one you love has a total dislike for onions and knowing this gives you the option of changing some behavior in your life that will accommodate them. This doesn’t mean you should give up onions but it might serve your purpose better to consider eating onions at a time when your spouse isn’t with you and then leave time for the effects to wear off. And if they know this is what you do, this will probably give your spouse the reinforced feeling how much you care about them and are willing to change something about yourself because you love them. Sometimes these little changes reap big rewards. Kind of like, winning the lottery.

Give Your Best or Silence Will Hurt You

I think men are making small advances in understanding how important it is to understand how their mate feels and how important it is to let them know you understand how their feeling by repeating those feelings back to them. Of course there is danger here and realizing it, is important. Once you make your spouse realize that you know how they feel you have opened Pandora’s box and going back to being unaware is no longer an option for you. Because now they know, and the ball is now in your court. Now here’s something to ponder surely there is some modest change you can make or at the very least and I do mean the very least and turn off all the devices in the house put the children to bed and maybe for the first time in your partnership focus one hundred percent on what they are saying to you and don’t interrupt or offer up a thought until they are completely done talking and wait till your invited to speak.

Always Focus on Them When Your Communicating With Each Other

Also while they are talking do not look away from them. Nothing in the world is more irritating then a person that doesn’t seem to be paying attention to what you’re saying. Now you may blink, cough or drink something. But don’t’ lose the focus you have on them. Now don’t act stupid like you don’t know what you can do, because more then likely you do and there are always options for consideration. Options are almost always the solution to a problem that exists between two people. Most of the time it doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is you listen and that in itself, goes along way in solving the problem. Now heed my advice, because on this I’m one hundred percent on point. I used to manage high-rise facility that was almost entirely occupied by women ranging in age from twenty to ninety five. I had an open door policy and I allowed everyone the courtesy to air their side of a story and then I filled out a work order or told them I was unable to help them. Either way they felt better, just by being given the opportunity to share their feelings. So listening improves the situation even though the subject matter hasn’t changed. So couples who listen are better off then those who don’t. That’s my feeling and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by orangeacid