Wednesday

Nail Biting Bothers a Marriage




I Was a Chewer

When I was a young boy nail biting was part of my daily routine and I can’t recall anyone correcting me for it. I guess right then, in that time and space it wasn't a big issue. We my brother and I were being raised by our Mothers Father who was a retired railroad person. I don't recall him being unkind to us. So even though my memory is kind of blank in regard to him, I feel he was good to us and there wasn't much of that in our early years. I kind of remember his fragile figure and the slowness of his walk.

My First Marriage Cured My Nail Biting Habit

After working my way through my first attempt at marital bliss, I finally got this habit under control and my fingers showed a better side of me to the public.

Nerves and Nail Biting Go Together

There is a underlined reason for when people bite their nails and I'm inclined to believe it's a nervous habit and once I became a more calm person, the nail biting didn't fit in anymore. So when I see this behavior in others I wonder what irregular stuff is going on with them.

It Wasn't Socially Acceptable

My adopted Mother saw this behavior as a social issue and pushed hard to curb its use. To her it showed a bad side of yourself and didn't present yourself well to others. And because of her persistence and my calm newness, I kicked the habit.

Bit ting Implies Problems

People demonstrating this behavior are viewed rightly or wrongly as someone who is having problems and this is kind of their way to slowly work through that process of thinking. It truly is more of a habit then anything else and just needs attention applied to it and it will go away.

Calmness Helps Curb Nail Consumption

My calmness was my greatest tool in solving this habit. If you doing this, may I suggest you start practice a calmness routine and in time you'll start noticing your nails are longer and not doing the biting thing anymore. This small change will make a huge difference in your marriage and that feeling will make your feel better. So Calm down, save your nails and the new you will make a better marriage partner.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guy

photo by Lazy_Lightning

Saturday

I Have Absolute Faith in My Wife




Our Love Gives Us Faith

The person I trust most in my life is the love of my life Linda, who just happens to be my wife. I'm sorry to inject a negative thought but most marriages can't make this same distinction. How wonderful it is to have one hundred percent faith in the person you marry. I know this for two reasons one my heart tells me it is so and my experiences being joined with her have shown this to be true.


She's Always Looking Out for My Welfare


For example I once had a noise bleed and had to be rushed to the hospital. While I was being attended to by the doctor and two nurses my wife never left my side and was always touching me. While the doctor tried numerous methods to stop my bleeding my blood pressure kept rising and my love witnessed that and was relentless in saying what about his blood pressure?
then he finally focused on what she was saying and administered some injection to bring it under control.

I Wasn't Afraid Because She Was There

All this time I was in and out of things but I always took comfort in the fact that I was in good hands and those hands belonged to the love of my life. The Doctor finally subdued the nose bleed and indicated that medication was in order to keep me in a slight degree of sleep. I remember my wife asking me what I wanted to have, I remember having morphine one time and how good I felt. The nurse got her signals crossed and was going to administer something else, my wife stepped in an insisted I get what I wanted because the doctor approved it. And it was so and I slept almost two days before they decided to get me up and remove the stuffing from my nose. And once again the person I trusted the most was at my side making sure things were well with me.

Do You Trust the One Your With?

So if you ask me who I trust that's a no brain er for me. She is my best friend and the love of my life. So If your looking for a winning mate pick the one that loves you and fills your heart with trust. That's how I feel and I'm sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by powerbooktrance

Thursday

Suggestions Help Love Grow




Support Something They Want

This is a question every couple should ask themselves everyday for the rest of their life. And when you do this thinking, think about how things went yesterday and find one little changes you can make. And maybe it's a simple thing like putting your coffee cup in the dishwasher or giving your spouse a back rub or ask if you can help with something. Life is just full of things to do. And some of things will greatly improve the quality of your love partner.

Lets Look at Bedding

For example before starting to write this article I watched my wife all day and payed good attention to what she does and gathered some ideas that I thought might be of help to her. She told me months ago she wanted to change the bedroom and one of her thoughts was to change the covering on the bed. I noticed a sale at Kohl's on bedding stuff and suggested we go there because I needed some casual shirts for the visit with my son in Michigan. I didn't mention the fact that my real goal was to help her move towards changing things in the bedroom. And it worked out great for both of us. I got some shirts and she a bed set package at fifty percent off, plus having me present she got an additional ten percent senior reduction. Being more aged does have some benefits. I like my life and look forward to life everyday. There is always something new to learn or experience.

How About Lowe's?

After my love put the new bed stuff on then she noticed the window shades didn’t match; I suggested Lowe's and off we went to purchase new shades and promptly put them up when we got home.

Nice Change

Then on the weekend we had family members over and they the girls approved of her changes and thought they might do something similar.

We All Need Encouragement

I could tell I did a good thing, because she's always making my life better by suggesting things to me. So everyday from now on I’m going to do or say something that helps my love find more enjoyment in her life. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Boris van Hoytema

Saturday

Shared Cards Need Both To OK to Use




Always Discuss Before Using

Is your having something more important then your togetherness? Using your card without sharing your thoughts with your spouse is a no no. Always focus on the thought that married people are one in the legal sense. When you purchase something you are not only obligating yourself, you are also committing your spouse to the deal to. And just maybe they would prefer you give them heads up before you do something. And their input may produce a better way to handle your desire for something.

Cards In Perpetual Motion

I have a compulsive buying neighbor, who if he isn't careful, is going to be on the journey of life by himself. He's a great person and has an overwhelming out look on life. He's always laughing, singing and dancing his way through life. And nothing bothers him. But and life always has buts. He can’t seem to stop making deals or buying things. And he never seems to talk to his wife before making changes or taking on new responsibilities. When he, his wife and two children moved into the neighborhood they had two cars and a push mower. Now their lawn is loaded with a number of different motor type devices. Now you can see a bass boat, ridding mower, late model truck to pull boat, two mini scooters and a very old stump grinding machine. And I'm sure I've missed some items.

Fix, Stop Using Card or Move

Since there only two houses from us it isn't hard to hear what's going on when voices are raised to a high level of volume. His wife finally snapped and placed all his personal items in the front yard and apparently changed the locks and didn't give him a key. He ended up walking up and down the street and was literally talking to himself. Finally I couldn't resist and asked him how things were going? He said his wife told him to sell all the stuff, replendish their bank account and then see their minister. And then maybe he would recieve the key to get on his side of the bed again. I left the following day to spend some thought provoking time with my eldest son for three weeks and am looking forward to finding out if all is well with the motor buying neighbor.


A Happy Marriage Requires Consultation


Marriage is a sharing process which allows both parties the opportunity to share their thoughts and ideas. Then a meeting of the minds happen and life moves on. When one member of the marriage works on their own, the couple thing falls apart and the ink that linked them together fades and the paper blows away. Making marriage a success is a joint venture. That's my feeling and I'm sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by moacirpdsp

Wednesday

A Winner Isn't Always A Winner




Its Better to Just Let It Slide

Sure you can be right all the time and in the process lose the thing your trying to hold on to; And that is having a loving caring person in your life. We all skirt the edges of saying things that are basically true, but we unknowingly alter the information were sharing; but our intentions are honorable and we mean no harm to anyone were talking to. Now you the listener may detect the slightly flawed stuff, but why point out something when it serves no useful purpose other then to lower your companions good feelings and this behavior will restrict their ease of talking. Then they will become conscious someone is censuring their words and their interpretation's. And then they will only share their thoughts when their one hundred percent correct on; what there going to share with you. And how does that promote good feelings in the relationship? It doesn't and when that day happens that's when the door of talking closes and the fire goes out and their thoughts find other ears that listen' rather then always being right, all the time.

Never Got a Hundred on My Paper

I used to work for a Housing Commission and one of it members retired and was replaced by a retired english teacher. Her intentions were to do a good job, but the teacher part of her mind wouldn't stop being a teacher and do the job she was appointed to. One of my duties was to create the agenda for commission meetings and the minutes of the previous meeting. And I never received an A for proper spelling. And here's an example of what I was cited for. There are two spellings for this word, probably and probable and between me and you me who gives a dam. But she never let a meeting go by without exerting her correctness on me and that forced to spend valuable time on spelling rather then other important things and we even talked about it and she didn't see he value of my thinking and just kept on being a teacher, rather then doing the job she was assigned to.

She Was Always Right But Failed the Course

So my grade to her is an F, for failing to get the point and thinking she was a winner when really she failed the course of doing her job right. So rather then being a winner, try standing mute and listen for a change.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by .A.A.

Monday

You Must Rule Your Emotions




Never Let Your Unwellness Drive

You never want to let your emotional issues be in charge of your life. I think all people experience ups and downs. And maybe it's only a problem when you let it run things and you take a back seat to what's going on. I think issues should be viewed as part of life and their normal occurrences that happen in the mind. We all have gobs of information in our mind and sometimes that stuff takes charge of our life and becomes bigger then life, because we let it happen. Now this may seem simplistic but view it for what it is and just keep living. I am a recovering emotional person and have come to the conclusion that I’ve got to learn to live, the way I am. I’ve done everything I can to defuse it and get it to leave me alone. But it's part of me and most of the time I just say that was then and this is now.

Things Are Always Changing

Life is like the weather is great one day and sucks the next. So what? That’s just the way life is and deal with it. Because until science or the mind tells us how to chase it away, it's here to stay and just see it for what it is and be glad you’re the driving force in your life and it isn’t. At this point in our evolution we have many choices and lifestyles to consider. Keep working at it and maybe a better path will be discovered by you and we will all benefit from your thinking. But until then, don’t be disappointed in how your feel sometimes, it’s just the way the minds works and go with the flow. Thinking about it and how it bugs you only gives it more power over you. Treat it like a bad neighbor and just ignore it. By not paying attention to it you are losing the hold it has over you, in time your mind will say it doesn’t matter to you and gives it less importance in the scheme of things.

Just Be Yourself

What matters in life is finding out who you are and then being that person because that is who you are. So don’t play a part just be yourself and that’s the best that you can be and that will greatly improve your marriage. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by Cristiane Sousa

Saturday

Close Isn't Love




Love Doesn't Require Speed

All to often we jump before we think and then all hell breaks loose. There are times when people have to make fast decisions but most of the time this is not the case and we hurry because it all feels so good and right. When we mix a first kiss, a warm embrace and the thrill of something new in the air; we have the makings of a bad decision for all the right reasons. Infatuation is easily confused with being in love when it first messes with the new feelings in your head. When this happens to you, take three long breaths and realize whats happening to you. It’s a high and it feels great but it doesn’t mean you should take for a ride. If it is the real thing, it will last the test of time. If it isn’t smile, be glad you kept your control and then realize it's like life, it’s a learning experience and you can use that new found experience to judge the next experience that will soon appear again and test your commitment to finding the right person, for the right reasons.

Like Isn't The Same As Love

If someone has your best interest in mind they will leave that decision up to, whether you move on or not. The connection attraction is a huge force that must be recognized for what it is. Humans have been created to produce their own kind and it’s given an incentive to do so. But that force attraction doesn’t pre select the right person for you, it’s just a force and it's entire motive is to perpetuate the human race and it isn’t concerned whether you’re with the right person for you or not. That right person decision must be made by you on its own merits and shouldn’t be confused with the minds preset agenda, to produce and perpetuate.


Love Doesn't Require A Safety Net


When this force is filling your brain with this high stop for a moment and realize what your doing, then step back and separate the force from the equation and see if the real thing exists? Sure it’s more fun the first way, but it’s going to hurt later on, if you don’t. That’s my feeling and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by nattu

Thursday

Divorce Is Sometimes the First Step to a Happy Marriage




Divorce, Learn and Then Find the Right Person


The facts of live are hard and a hard reality to over come. Years ago everyone did everything they could to avoid the stigma of being branded a divorce person. Now it’s a badge of courage like being a war hero, you got through it and it carries no shame today. Today with a few adjustments in the figures, one can easily conclude that divorces are in and happy togetherness is a far behind second and losing ground. I think were becoming a society that’s starting to see divorce as a one time educational thing and that gives the new divorces the experiences that will make them more user friendly the second time around. And when you think about it, it kind of makes sense. But lets slow up a little and lets view the pit falls of this kind of thinking. A divorce is a huge tragedy and leaves us with scars that sometimes never get healed before the grim reaper gives us a visit. And if that isn’t enough is also creates a vision of acceptability that’s telling our children its ok for them to do the same thing and then when the option of trying hard to make it work or just giving up and excepting the inevitable; we the next generation of divorces just take the easy path to the judge and look forward to our next togetherness with a new exit strategy that its easier to use every time.

No Divorce Till Learning is Achieved

There should be a law that says you can only bail and jump ship when both parties of the first part have proper counseling by numerous brains of enlightened thinking, that helps make them understand what real love and commitment mean to each other and then they must silently live with a couple who like themselves is still trying to work out the kinks in their first marriage. Close circuit tv could be useful here like Dr. Phil does sometimes. A picture is a great way to show the dos and don’ts of a faulty marriage and can easily show the right adjustments to make in finding the right road for you.

Learning From Our Mistakes Helps Us Be Winners the Next Time

We need to change our thinking and approach marriage as a want to win thing. It’s worth the effort and saves a large amount of pain trying to fix something that should have been avoided in the first place. So don’t take divorce for granted and fight with all your might to be a winner the first time. Because winners always win, even when they don’t.


Don L. Terrill

photo by billjacobus1