Thursday

Dont's If You Want Another Chance


Photo By: James Zou

Dont's If You Want Another Chance
By Mark Webb (c)

As a therapist, I regularly counsel men and women who are suffering from a broken heart. They tearfully plead their sincerity. Unfortunately, their fear often takes the lead of their focus and they switch to merely trying to figure out the formula or right combination to get their partners to take them back again. They would rather get their own way versus doing the right thing. Be mature. Be consistent. Follow this advice.

Don't Rally the Troops. This means don't go around and talk with all of your partner's friends, family, co-workers and worst of all, your religious leader. Men are especially prone to do this. It’s a form of emotional manipulation based on guilt and shame and tends to only push your partner further away.

Don't Fish For Reassurance. This no-no is a search for a ray of hope from the words like "I love you too." Don't bait your partner with the proclamation "I love you." This forces them to respond with "I love you too" which they don't want to say. Or they may not give any response, which really hurts.

Don't Repeatedly Ask Your Partner To Come Back To You. Each time you ask, you are usually setting your chances back another week.

Don't Call. And also don't drive by their house or show up at their work. Exercise a lot of restraint. This is very hard, but it is crucial.

Don't Try To Figure This Out By Yourself. Get a therapist or an equivalent to help you process your feelings and to develop the best approach. Telling everyone the business of your relationship will only undermine your goal and most likely make you look stupid.

Don't Try To Be A Detective. Snooping around is a violation of their personal space. Don't go through their dressers, their email, or their car. Just because they aren't feeling close to you doesn't mean that there is someone else.

Don't Send Your Best Friend As Your Ambassador. This approach works better than you going to do the detective work, but you have to consider that you are only trying to gain leverage versus respecting their need for space and time.

Don't Try To Make Them Jealous. If you do this, you are playing games and not seriously making an effort to hear or respect the needs of your partner. You're also playing with other people's emotions.

Don't Talk Bad About Your Partner. Saying negative things about your partner or trying to get people to side with you by telling your partner's faults or private matters is unforgivable. Using your intimate knowledge of your partner as ammunition is a low blow.

Don't Display Temper Tantrums. A lot of people use aggression to get their way; but this reinforces your partner's notion of why they left in the first place.

Don't Use Children As Pawns. Children are effective tools to play with your partner's heart. However, this does damage to the children, and your partner will grow to hate you. Stop trying to get your way at all costs and begin doing the right thing.

Don't Be Inconsistent. As much as possible, say or do what you mean so you don’t say or do something different every time.

For more Marriage tips click here.

Wednesday

Difference in Sexual Strategies


Photo By: One Show

Difference in Sexual Strategies

By Elena Solomon (c)

Have you ever thought WHY men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different?

- Why men want sex and women want love?
- Why there are NO books teaching women how to get one-night stands?
- Why women complain about men not loving them enough - but refusing to make love?

If you’ve ever been frustrated with the opposite gender, I feel for you. I’ve been there, too. In fact, for nearly two decades of my life I was completely clueless on what was going on between men and women - with disastrous results.

Then I decided I’d had enough and I wanted to learn what the other gender was REALLY looking for and HOW one could master that. In short, I wanted to know what makes men and women tick.

This is what I learned and what every man and woman must know.

Our sexual strategies are deeply imprinted in our SUBCONSCIOUS.
We cannot CHANGE what is there.
We cannot CHOOSE whom we feel attracted to.
We just FEEL it.

Why?

Because, from Mother Nature’s point of view, the purpose of life is LIFE itself. It’s procreation. In other words, to keep the human race thriving, men and women should have sex and have children.

To make men and women have sex Mother Nature created a mechanism, which drives males and females towards one another. This mechanism is what we routinely call LOVE, or attraction.

Attraction is actually a cocktail of certain hormones generated in our bodies in the presence of someone who appears to be good genes - in other words, a person of the opposite gender who seems to have the capacity of producing a healthy offspring that will survive.

Those hormones make us feel euphoric and excited, and we feel an enormous urge to get in close contact with the person we are attracted to.

This is really what love is all about.
It’s just the means of making us have sex with each other and make babies.

All those poems about the wonders of love are written about the condition of a human being under the influence of a powerful mix of natural drugs.

And yes, it hits high!
Anyone who’s been in love can confirm that.

The thing you must understand is that this process is COMPLETELY UNCONTROLLABLE.

We cannot CHOOSE who we fall in love with.

This is because the purpose of procreation is so important that Mother Nature cannot rely on our recently developed intellectual capacities to make the right choice. Instead, it uses the wisdom of generations BEFORE us to make the choice FOR us. The mechanism of sexual attraction is firmly imprinted in our GENETIC MEMORY.

We are attracted to certain patterns of behavior and physical characteristics. When we come across those patterns in real life, we feel attraction to this person - and we cannot help it.

With all advances in modern science and birth control, we still have the same biological hardware as our pre-historical ancestors. Scientists say that we have the same bodies as our forebears some 50,000 years ago.

It means that when you fall in love (or lust), you do it the same way as cavemen and cavewomen did. You simply FEEL it. You cannot CONVINCE yourself to fall in love – you either feel it, or not.

So, why men and women use such different sexual strategies?
Why men want sex and women want love?
Because men and women ARE different.

Not better or worse, but different.

A man can produce a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only produce a child only every second year or so.

So for a man, there are no adverse consequences for having sex with as many women as he wants - the more children he produces, the higher his chance to procreate.

For a woman, it’s different. She needs to be selective to secure the best genes for her child. If she makes a wrong choice and falls pregnant from a man with bad genes, her offspring may not survive into adulthood. And she can only produce about 10 children during her lifetime.

This is why men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different.

Men seek quantity; women seek quality.
Men seek abundance of sex, women - abundance of admirers.

This is absolutely NATURAL.

This is the reason why you are here today and alive – because your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their natural aspirations. Millions of dead ends of your species vanished into oblivion – and every single one of YOUR ancestors managed to find a sexual partner and produce an offspring that survived into adulthood.

- If your female ancestors weren’t picky, you wouldn’t be here today.
- If your male ancestors weren’t trying to get laid at every opportunity, you might as well never be born.

STOP wining about the tricks of the opposite gender.

The battle of the sexes is the battle for the survival of HUMANITY.

We are made this way.
Accept it.

And learn to use it to your advantage!

For more Relationship tips click here.