Don’t lose yourself

Couple Up But Don't Lose Yourself

Before we get married for the first time we our single individuals and as such make decisions pretty much on our own. We are one against the world and things are relatively easy to confront and deal with. But what happens when you couple up with someone and become a couple or married? In principle the concept seems easy to understand and easy to implement. But in life being a couple brings new considerations and requires getting together and figuring out how to handle things that come up.

Now Your Both Obligated as One

When you want a car when your single you go buy one and that’s it' subject closed. Not so simple when you married. If I’m married and purchase something I not only obligate myself but I also obligate my mate to having to pay for it. In other words were both considered owing the debt and if one doesn’t pay it they the sellers will look to the other part of the couple to pay the obligation.

On the surface it all seems so simple.

We join hands say we do and will. But this is not just about being in love and living happily ever after. Generally speaking most couples have a dominant member and that person by themselves or by pressure make most of the decisions in the relationship. When this happens the silent member starts to lose their identity and feel like their still home and their parents are controlling all their movements and behavior. Now things start to become harder and harder to deal with. You’re seeing yourself being consumed by the togetherness and you aren’t finding anytime to be yourself and do the things that you want to do. When these feelings of losing yourself take over you will not be happy and if there are no children going home will start to be an option for consideration.

Women Have Less Toys

Living with someone and their having all the toys and all the fun where are the benefits for you? Men have a tendency to think there thoughts and wants are more important then their mate. If this thinking is left unchecked a total imbalance will occur and you will find yourself standing before the mirror and saying this isn’t working and I want out.

Most Relationships are Controled by One Partner

Most partners will attempt to change and give you some control but its only a ploy that has no real power behind it and in time things return to the one having it all and the other losing themselves in the togetherness and can't find themselves any more. When this continues to happen grab some clothes and leave a message I’m filing for a divorce.

In time you’ll find yourself again and smile in the mirror and feel good about yourself. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by mcbarnicle