Talk first and then say I do

Be Honest with Each Other

Be honest with each other about how you want things to work. And you should be having this conversation long before you say I do. And talk about everything and work out a plan that will satisfy both of you. If you cant make it work before marriage, it certainly wont work after your married. So be totally up front with each other.

Who would Move in with Who?

Shortly after the greatest moment in my life, my love and I had a totally honest conversation with each other. First we decided that are best choice was for me to move into her house. I was living in an apartment and didn’t have an extended two-car garage and central air like she did. Also she had a yard and that greatly appealed to me. I always wanted a riding mowing but never had any grass to mow.

Next Money

Then we talked about money, since were both were used to handling our own money, we decided to keep it that way. We each contributed equally to our housing and other costs.

I didn't want to be a Parent Again

We both had two boys, mine were grown and hers were living with her. I told her I didn’t want to be a parent anymore and have all that responsibility again; she agreed to be the sole controller of her children and I think she preferred it that way and that’s probably why it worked out so well for us. Whenever someone was in trouble and I would hear the garage door opening and that would prompt me to exit to the basement till the fire works were over. In time when they observed me going to the basement they knew someone was in trouble. Even today we still joke about that.

We both wanted to See our Regular Companions

We both shared our thoughts about having friends and wanted to enjoy these people separate from each other. I for example was an Elk Member and enjoyed going to lodge meetings and tipping a few brews with my brother elks. She also insisted on maintaining her friends in the fashion she was used to. This worked especially well because we trusted each other one hundred percent.

I got some Closet space

We discussed what I would bring with me and how that stuff would be included with her things. At first she had suggested giving up some of her closet space for me but later we decided to purchase a stand-alone closet where I could hang my shirts and pants.

I wanted another Bathroom

She only had one bathroom I suggested we install another one in the basement. She agreed and we men in the family made it happen. We started by putting a large hole in the basement for the installation a lift pump. When she saw it, she was startled; She didn’t realize it was going to look in the basement floor. But she quickly recovered and was ok with it.

A Waterbed & Sofa came with me

Only two items of my furniture made the trip and that was my sofa, which went in the basement and my waterbed which one of the boys wanted.

We made this transition and it was easy. It was easy because we talk it all out in advance and jointly agreed on everything.

Make all the Decisions before Saying I Do

If your planning a get together may I boldly suggest you follow our example and figure out everything in advance and jointly agreed on same. If there is a problem you will detect it in advance and make decisions accordingly. Remember talk first and I do later. Because I do maybe the most important thing you ever do in your life. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Don L.Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by cheetah100