Secrets are best handled, before Saying I Do
I dont believe in having secrets, but I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. Of course I’m not including God in this equation. I think that even with the intentions of a saint no one can say there’s not something they’re holding back that would fall in the category of a secret. And maybe there’s some validity in the thinking that prior experiences are excluded from the marriage secret rule. Personally I think pre marriage discussions should by and large cover all areas that may adversely influence the person your placing your hearth with. It’s far better to deal with issues now and put them to rest rather then waiting till a secret is revealed and your partner is overwhelmed by the information.
When Rings are exchanged, Secrets shouldn't exist anymore
Before love partners exchange rings and say I do their minds are still open for discussion. But all bets are off when the preacher says I now pronounce you husband and wife. I’m of the option that when the ring goes on the finger then the person with the finger expects and deserves to be kept totally up to speed on all issues from this moment on. Also fairly or unfairly previous information will be judged by the ring holder and not the person they were prior to the I dos.
To Trust doesn't mean don't Ask
I know that with love comes trust but that doesn’t mean you should be stupid and not ask any questions prior to joining hands in holy matrimony. I truly believe that most people live on the right side of the truth, but there are some who lie and they believe what their saying. They have lied so long that the lie is now the truth. The truth of this behavior definitely needs to see the light of day so the other half of the relationship can clearly decide whether this is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with.
Life is a Learning Experience
I think we all know what should be spoken of and what should be left to the past. Just because your love doesn’t share everything with you doesn’t mean that their being deceptive or don’t love you enough. Some points of information have absolutely nothing to do with love that two people share between each other. We all in the growing up phase of our life have dreaded on issues that are best left alone because we all have information that we cant explain why we did certain things. Life is a learning process and sometimes we do unwise things but we learn and never do them again. As I’ve said life is a learning process and know one is without error from time to time. So maybe there’s good thinking in what the bible says. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. No one can throw the stone and we all know it.
Some Secrets are best kept Secret and both parties should reallize that
I think both parties of the marriage must realize by recognition from each other that each have their own and that’s where they’re going to stay. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru
photo by SideLong
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 8:54 AM
Don't take Life Serious
Being born and then developing in a person is the most incredible creation in the universe. Yet as important as it is, it should never be taken seriously. Life was meant to be a journey of love, learning and growing by leaps and bounds. But everywhere you look people are broiled in time and consumed by worry about things they have nothing to do with. And whats the first thing we do when we wake up in the morning turn on the boob tube and listen to all the bad news all over the place. Were slowly becoming a world of together news. In other words we know whats going on all over the place all the time. And what ever happened to good news? If were totally cemented to our home environment and are only source of communication is the television were dome to only the horrors of the world.
News is almost always bad and thus Fearful
An the only news that seems to make the announcers mouth move is the stuff that drives fear in our hearts as if they were Dracula himself. I’m a home body three to four days a week depending on how much time is required to complete my home business. My wife works out of the home three days weeks and those days are varied every month. Were temporary down to one car which means walking is my main mode of transportation. With in ten blocks I have the ability to visit one grocery store, gas station, all you can eat barbeque, yongs Chinese carry out, nine dollar hair cuts, drug store and exercise class. They have bus service here and I’m seriously considering ridding the whole route and see where it leads me.
Don't let Worry be normal in your Life
But here’s my concern, why are so many people worried about so many things? Does it make something work better to worry about it? I don’t know about you, but when worry creeps into my life I seem to consume more then I can handle and then normal things become hard and then even my ridding mower wont start and run right. I worry that worry is becoming a normal aspect of life and it’s consuming our wellness.
Pig Picking Party
My family two days ago attended a pig picking party, which was created to celebrate the joining of two hearts the day before. Many were expected and not nearly enough people showed up to drink the free beer and consume all the great food. I think the newly weds wondered why all the family members, friends and co-workers didn’t enjoy this happy time with them? So they were concerned when only joy should have consumed their minds and souls. But I must confess those present did have a great time. My two year grandson Cohen had a great time being hugged, held and allowed to travel freely among the guests that frequently asked him his name.
Don't let Love ride in the Backseat
All too soon the party concluded, the guests left with barbeque and everyone waved while driving away. It’s to bad that life is so important and fun is left to ride in the back seat. For the record it was a great gathering and every one left with less worry on their mind. And that’s one step closer to being less serious about life.
Use a Broom and shew Worry away
The party was about two souls joining in a partnership to live, love and enjoy life. If you’re like them and find worry sitting on your door step, chase them away with a broom and get back to living rather then taking life seriously. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru
photo by merfam
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 8:32 AM
Stop Saying Your Sorry
Saying you’re sorry all the time is just as bad as not saying it at all. I have a confession to make I used to say I’m sorry all the time. I’m not sure how it got started and what compelled me to keep saying it. When I first started my wife just said don’t worry about it, its know big deal. But like some brain dead baboon I just kept saying the words till my wife finally consumed all she could and just unloaded on me. My wife always uses the straight approach and looks you directly in the eyes when she’s delivering her presentation. At the time I was driving and missed a turn that I frequently miss and once again I said I’m sorry. She said in her natural voice park there and I did. She turned off the car and just looked at me. Then with the knowledge of the universe and a Generals Patch on her shoulder; she told me that there’s nothing wrong with me and I don’t have to say I’m sorry ever again. I started to say something and she just put her finger to her mouth and I understood that enough is enough and I was never going to say that phase again. And to my knowledge I never have.
Faith Cured my Sorry
I have on a couple occasions wondered why her words and method worked so well in curing my sorry phase. Maybe its because I have absolute faith in her and thusly believe everything she tells me. She told me I was ok and that was like going to a revival meeting and getting cured by the words from the Holy Book.
Just let the Mistake Go
Now a days when a situation comes up that I should know better I let it go or comment I’m going to get that right the next time. Sometimes my lovely wife will offer a landmark or something that will help me recall things better. I comment that’s a good idea and I give it a moment of thought and most of the time its helps when the situation comes up again.
My Wife gave me time to correct my Bad Behavior
Maintaining a positive marriage requires small adjustments when a situation calls for it. My wife viewed my behavior has harmful to me emotionally. She gave me able time to correct my malfunction and then with kindness, love and logical words convinced me I was ok and that made me feel better and then I was better.
Opps is OK
Sure situations still arrive when opps is required, but things have changed and only one opps is spoken and then the world moves on. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru
photo by KungPaoCajun
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 3:09 PM
Stop Thinking about Sleeping
I have come to the conclusion that too much time is concentrated on sleeping and too little time is appropriated for just resting. And who decided eight hours of sleep is required for the perfect night of rest? I think the concept is up for grabs and it’s each person for themselves.
The Brain never Sleeps
It’s my understanding that the brain never sleeps. If that is true then the only person in need of sleep is just us who reside in the brain. So it seems reasonable to me that sleeping maybe our creation and has nothing to do with the brain. Thus its an individual issue and we shouldn’t be concerned if were different from other people. And trying to force sleep by taking pills or concoctions is just making things worse.
Find the Flow that Works
Maybe we would better serve ourselves by just finding the pattern that works for us and just go with the flow. And if that pattern changes from time to time consider that normal and don’t give it one ounce of thought.
Obsessed with Sleeping
We as a society have an obsession about sleeping. I sometimes wonder if it isn’t the number one issue in the human experience, at least in the modern countries. Other parts of the world haven’t learned our bad sleeping habits yet.
I Found My Two Sleeping Locations
I have two locations where sleep finds easy access to me. One is my recliner in the living room and the other is the bed. The sleeping in the chair is automatic and the bed is more inclined to work when wine touches my lips and I’m extremely tired. I like many have tried numerous approaches to the bed sleeping situations in the hope it could become a regular thing like sleeping in the chair. I sometimes wonder whats the difference between the chair and the bed? The chair sleep happens whether I want it or not. In the bed on the other hand I close my eyes and hope it happens. I guess the chair works better then hope.
I Rest in my chair and Sleep! Maybe resting in Bed is a Good Idea?
Maybe the trick is to not think of the bed as a sleeping place. But rather a place just to rest. I have read and heard lectures that promoted the bedroom for sleeping only and nothing else. In other words no tv, reading and the like. It should be just for sleeping and nothing else. Well that theory doesn’t seem to be working too good for me.
Where my recliner is there’s everything in the room and falling asleep seems to work well there. So maybe I should treat my bedroom like the living room. I think Ill give it a whirl and let you know via future writing how well it goes.
Sleep works Best where you find it
Remember rest and sleeping are both needed via the way that works best for you. So figure it out, feel better and have a more joyful marriage. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru
photo by rileyroxx
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 1:29 PM
Stool use should be a Singular Thing To Do
I have observed during many conversations with couples that this inappropriate behavior happens all the time. I find this behavior disturbing because it demeans the image they feel about each other. I’m not a prude and enjoy nudity and sensual things of that nature. I see the body as a good thing and enjoy the tingle it produces. But going to the bathroom is an entirely different thing. Its like taking out the trash it’s necessary but doesn’t need to be exploited. I see viewing someone going to the bathroom as a natural process that doesn’t need to be shared.
It doesn't Show Respect
Those couples that have indicated this has happened in their marriage are not via my observations living in what I would refer to as a loving relationship. They don’t seem to treat their partners with the kind of respect I have with my wife.
When I was a young person I visited many homes that didn’t have the luxury of inside doors. They used other forms of things to give some sense of privacy to those in the house. Like drapes, beads and the like. I guess people during those times didn’t have the money to furnish their homes like we do today.
Don't Demean your Love by sitting on the Stool
I think love is the most important thing in the universe and love between two people is the highest form of togetherness that two people can have. For me it’s a secret trust that I have with my wife. I value my wife above all people. I want her to be the happiest person she can be. For me to demean that connection hurts me to the very fiber of my being.
She's just a Broad
I used to work with a man that used all forms of crude behavior in the presence of his wife. Finally one day I injected my thoughts about his behavior and he just laughed and said she’s just a broad.
She Just a Broad and now their Divorced
Years later I belled up to the bar and there to my left sat this mouthy man. His tone had changed and he indicated he found religion and it has changed his life forever. I asked him how his wife was and he said they got divorced and that’s what compelled him to find the church. He seemed less sure of himself and finally shook my hand and said take care of your family and don’t end up like me. I smiled and we parted company.
Respect is another way of saying I Love You
It made me feel grateful for the wonderful family I had. Love is a powerful force for good if you respect the person your with. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru
photo by ashleytheartist2002
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 4:06 PM