Our Baggage Approach

Baggage and How To Handle It

Both Linda my wife and I brought baggage with us when we got married. But unlike a lot of couples we decided from day one that my baggage was mine and hers was hers. Now that doesn’t mean we didn’t help each other, because we did. But here’s the big difference with us. We each had decided on the opt in and opt out program. Only if we wanted help did we help each other. For example, if I wanted to help her with something and she agreed to my help then help I did. But if she didn’t want it I stepped back and she handled it on her own. This is the way we both acted in our marriage and even today will still do the same thing, because it’s been so successful for us. Linda and I only helped each other when the other wanted the help. We treated our marriage as a neutral zone and didn’t allow the baggage to enter. Our joint baggage was never allowed to interfere our love for each other. She didn’t take my help for granted and neither did I.

Love Rules & Baggage Is Somewhere After That

During our journey as a married couple we have jointly and separately been challenged by many issues but none of these issues ever degraded the love we felt for each other, because we kept our baggage separate and that worked well for us.

Love Is Always Available If You Want It

I lost both my parents during our marriage and Linda was always one hundred percent there to help whenever I approached her for assistance. But I know it was a huge challenge for her to stand mute while I tried handling it in my own way, because I was trying to keep harmony in the family and even thought she knew my method wasn't going to work she still said nothing. And when I jeopardized my physical and mental health she reluctantly did step in and made her feelings known and that was from love and I needed to hear her thoughts to save myself from myself. In retrospect I wouldn’t have survived the path I was following without her intervention.

Our Love Agreement

People who we mingle with, frequently ask us why we don’t seem to have conflicts like they do? And we just shrug are shoulders and just say were married but handle things separately if we want to. They sometimes say I wish we could be like you two and handle things so well; you never seem to argue about anything. No we don’t rant and rave about things because we spent the time making an agreement of understanding and it is still as strong today as the day we signed on the dotted line. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill
The Marriage Guru

photo by SqueakyMarmot